Dress Code Drama

A few months ago, our neighboring elementary district made the local news when a student was dress coded twice in the same day. The student's parent took the conversation to Nextdoor, looking to gather input from the local community to better understand the varied viewpoints on the always-debated topic of middle school dress codes.

What started as a civil conversation on Nextdoor slowly turned into a variety of conflicting opinions. A few individuals posted in support of the student, saying that she should be able to wear whatever she wanted to school. Others posted in support of the school, saying that they had a clear right to establish what students were allowed to wear to school. The other parents and communities stayed within the gates of these two differing opinions for the most part.

As a local educator with first hand knowledge on the daily drama involving dress code, I jumped into the conversation. My goal was to explain to both sides that our truth needed to be somewhere in between the two extreme viewpoints. I hoped to share insight into what it's like to work at a middle school and how we address these dress code situations on our campus. Below is what I shared:

Hi everyone - I'm the Union Middle School principal. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on the dress code talk at schools. Please note that I have two 7 year old daughters and am already challenged with finding shorts for them that are a bit longer. I also want to preface this post with that I understand if you disagree with me on this topic. I value this conversation and think that there is a lot of merit to all sides of the dress code topic. Here are my thoughts on the Union Middle School dress code: 1) Our school is a place of work for over 100 adults. As I shared with the students last week during our assemblies, I'm pretty sure that someone who works at Google doesn't have a 13 year old boy in a "bralette" walking the halls during their work day. I feel that our school staff should be able to come to their workplace and know that they aren't going to have a student in a bikini top or another student with their pants sagging down to mid thigh. 2) Yes, it feels like a lot of dress codes target females. However, as I shared with the students last week, we apply the dress code equally. If a female student was sagging, showing her undergarmet boxers, we would speak with the student. If a male student had their bra straps showing, we would speak with the student. That said, the current style of clothes does seem to cause more issues with school dress codes on the female side. 3) The "distraction to other opposite gender" excuse is completely ridiculous. Most boys in middle school aren't even aware of these issues; ditto for the girls. I don't use this "excuse" in our conversations as I think it makes the issue about the student's sexuality, which isn't the topic at hand. 4) When I talk with our students, I come back to the same two words: Dress Appropriately. Yes, we have a page of dress code topics (don't wear this, it's ok to wear this, etc) but I always return to these two words: dress appropriately. To me, "dressing appropriately" for school means that your undergarments aren't showing and that everything is appropriately covered, male or female. 5) While the students may feel differently, we only dress code situations where there is a severe excess of skin showing. Being blunt, I think that it's not appropriate to see a female/male student's behind from out under their shorts. When something really pushes the boundaries of what's "dressing appropriately", we speak with the student and solve the issue as quietly and innocently as we can. We don't want them to be embarrassed. As we tell the kids, you bought those shorts a few years ago; You've grown... the shorts haven't. Again, sorry for joining the conversation here. Lisa F, the Fisher principal, would be glad to discuss any issues about dress code if you have questions for her. She's fantastic and is very welcoming. And if you have any follow up questions, do feel free to email or PM. Todd Feinberg

The response was positive. A few community members responded publicly and other privately. One Nextdoor member had a follow question about the words "To Me" in the 4th segment above. They felt that saying "To Me" put the fate of our entire school in my hands and that I shouldn't make such rules based on my own personal viewpoints.

I responded, as that's not what I had meant by "To Me" in my original point:

@NextdoorMember - well, I guess I should clarify what "to me" means. As a school principal, I get to balance the needs of our students with the wants of our parent community while supporting the work our teachers do in and outside of the classroom. When I say "to me", I could very well say "based on lengthy staff conversations, a thorough review of other middle school dress codes, a constant study of ever-evolving case law, input from both our parents and students through multiple venues (the parents at my school can text me with questions and feedback; I also oversurvey my parent community throughout the year), my own opinions as a parent of four kids (two of which are girls with significant special needs), and the past 17 years working almost exclusively with middle school communities" instead. But that's way too long and wordy. It is the expectation of the school principal (among other parties as well) to provide a safe, structured learning environment for all kids, a safe, positive workplace for all employees, and the best inclusive community we can. Some principals do a really good job; others not so much. Fisher is blessed to have Mrs. F - she's great. Count your blessings. So when I say "to me", I'm including everything that goes into even the most basic of decisions. Doing what's best for kids is what drives us to make our decisions. Not everyone agrees on every decision; but as long as I know we are trying our best to care for all of our kids and giving our staff the best opportunity to work with and support our kids, I feel pretty good about saying "to me".

The conversation died down shortly thereafter. The principal at the other middle school held a community meeting to discuss the parent concerns. People moved on to the next story.

For our own school community, I appreciate the willingness of our parent community to support the work we do at Union Middle. Almost every parent I speak with supports the "dress appropriately" expectation, even if they may disagree with some of the points made above. Their issue often isn't with the dress code itself, but it's the lack of conversation most administrators are willing to have on the topic. Be willing to be honest and meet your parent community halfway. Work together to support your students and what "dress appropriately" looks for your school environment.

After all, Spring is coming.