Graduation Speech - 2026 - Union Middle School

Below is my graduation speech for the Union Middle School class of 2026.

Each year, I write a unique speech for our promoting class. I look for stories, quotes, bits of advice, anything that reminds me of our 8th grade class. Sometimes, like last year, it's quite challenging... but this year, it was relatively easy.

Main reason: this is a great class. They are smart, funny, dedicated, responsible (most of the time), and just have been a delight to be around for the past three years. They will be very much missed. 

I wasn't planning on announcing during the ceremony that this is my favorite 8th grade class we've had in a while... but I did and it's true. Just great kids... kind, talented, and reflective. We are going to miss them.

As always, thank you to our UMS families for your support over the past three years, thank you to the UMS staff for your continued dedication to our students, and thank you to our promoting students a wild three years.

Here is the graduation speech. Enjoy.

-Todd

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Good afternoon, everyone,

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For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Todd Feinberg, and I have been privileged to have been the principal of Union Middle School for the past fourteen years. It is an honor to stand in front of you all today. It means a great deal to me. I truly care about each and every one of my Union Tigers. I hope you all will keep in touch.

​

Today’s speech was written specifically for the individuals who sit around me now, the Promoting Class of 2026, and focuses on three main quotes I’ve found over their 8th grade year.

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The first quote is as follows: “Ask me how I've been, I'll say I'm great, but under my skin, I'm not okay.”*

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Middle school is hard. There have been many moments over the past three years where you have likely walked across campus, smiling, laughing, telling everyone who asked how you were that you were “fine” or “great”. All the while, you felt overwhelmed, stressed out, and unsure of what the future might hold for you. The challenges of fitting in and not standing out. The friendship drama. The academic pressures. Everything. Y’all know this better than we do: it’s just not easy being a teenager in today’s world.

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But here’s my suggestion for these moments: If you’re not okay, let the trusted adults in your life provide the help you need. Whether a parent, a UMS teacher, or your soon-to-be former middle school principal, we are all here to help you get through those moments where you’re truly not okay. And don’t forget - it’s okay to not be okay. Just know that you are loved, cared for, and have an endless amount of support whenever you need it. You might not be okay, but know that you are great regardless. We are all so proud of each of you and we will always be here for you.

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The second quote: “You’re not in competition with anyone else. No one can beat you at being you. Don’t be the best. Be the only.”**

​

Be the only. And here’s why that’s important: you have likely felt varying amounts of pressure during your time at Union Middle School to measure up to a sibling, to outscore a teammate, to outshine a classmate. However, in a world where you’ll constantly be tasked with fitting into the common mold of what a high school student should be, don’t. High school will tempt you oh so much to play the comparison game… but chasing someone else’s definition of what “the best” is not only unhealthy but often a losing battle as well. In fact, comparison is often said to be the thief of joy… Joy allows you to enJOY your days, build lasting friendships, and can provide the necessary support even during the most difficult of times. Joy will be important moving forward.

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And so, in the constant challenge of comparisons, I ask that you focus on becoming the best you, the only you, a joyful you. What unique strengths do you have? How do you advocate for your growth? What unique perspectives can you add to any conversation? In fact, if you strive to be the only you, you can’t lose. You won’t have any competition because there is only one you. After all, no one is a better you than you. So just be you, the only you.

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Our third quote: “Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers; start your own garden.”***

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Your world…it is about to change. Your parents, your teachers, your friends… they’ve structured your days, helped navigate your social interactions, and even read your mind when you needed support. Middle school was quite the safety net, as it should be. High school, however, doesn’t necessarily work that way. 

In high school, you will be responsible for your own growth, your own happiness, and your eventual success. Not your parents. Not your friends. Definitely not me. Just you. If you are struggling with a difficult concept in your math class during your freshman year, starting your garden means you don’t wait for the teacher to notice you’re withering. Instead, tend to your own growth by advocating for yourself. Plant some solid roots by showing up to tutorial and by seeking out peer tutoring. If you haven’t found your patch of soil yet, don’t wait around for a social circle to include you; cultivate your own community by starting a club, joining a sports team you never thought you’d try, audition for the school musical, and become the head gardener of your own success. 

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And throughout these high school years, be sure to take care of your emotional and mental well-being as well. Don’t rely on the “flowers” of social media likes, peer approval, or other bits of digital recognition to validate your self-worth. And speaking of social media… just don’t. I can say this with much certainty: very few of the moments you remember from high school will be from a text or a like. These moments, these gardens, grow from in-person, unique, fun, silly experiences that cannot be duplicated by anything on Snapchat. It will be these flowers you kindly remember from afar many years later.

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So, to the class of 2026, we wish you the best as you advance on to high school. For the challenging moments of doubt, know that it’s okay to not be okay. Don’t forget that only you can be you. And down the road, sometime in the far future, please stop back at Union to check in and show off all of the flowers you’ve grown in your garden.

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I look forward to watching you all on your journey to high school. Thank you for being a part of our lives over the past three years.

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Congratulations, Class of 2026.

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*) Singer-songwriter Cameron Whitcomb; song: Kingdom of Fear

**) Comedian Jimmy Carr (careful, lots of NSFW comments in his videos)

***) American horticulturist Luther Burbank

Graduation Speech - 2025 - Union Middle School

 Below is my graduation speech for the Union Middle School class of 2025.

I'm not sure how it was possible that this speech was one of the hardest I've had to write as well as one of the quickest. I sat down on a Sunday and just typed out a few key thoughts from the school year, specific to this 8th grade class, and then filled in the rest shortly thereafter.

The speech was difficult in the sense that this class reminds me of the proverbial "the wolf that you feed" tale. On one hand, there are so many talented, kind, academic, amazing students who always impressed me, each and every day, with just how unique and positive they are. On the other hand, there are the students we adore but also who we spent most of our year with, trying to navigate the ups and downs of 8th grade. These too are amazing kids, but they haven't yet figured out which path they're going to take just yet. Yes, two very distinct groups of students.

But there's only one speech to give... so I looked for overlapping bits of advice. 

The first was kindness. This gave me an opportunity to highlight some of the positive choices all of our students made this school year. This paragraph echoes what Mrs. Jorgens shared in her speech: there is so much good in all of our students... and their choices do not define who they are.

The second was choosing who you want your friends to be. I've lost count of the number of times we've weaved this topic into student conversations this year... and it's across every single friend group that I encountered. One comment I've shared with many staff members was how wonderful every 8th grader was when it was just them, me, and/or another staff member, all in the office, just reflecting, chatting, building toward better choices. One of the best stories from the year was when that one (fantastically amazing) student would intentionally use key words in their school Google Docs account so the content would be flagged... and I'd be pinged. Often, this student would say something to trigger the filters and then follow it up with "so, if you're reading this Mr. Feinberg, can you call me in to chat?" Pretty smart kid... and when we spoke, it was often about how to navigate their friend group. It's a subject very prevalent for a middle school student.

The third topic was almost not included in the speech. I had written something up about how our promoting students' grades do not define who they are. I also had a paragraph about trying your best, no matter what. I even added one of my favorite quotes about growing up from my favorite musical artist, Matt Nathanson... but in the end, I thought about this year and how there were moments for every student where they were challenged, scared, worried, and fearful of what was in front of them. I wanted to end the speech with kindness and compassion, making sure that our students knew just how much we truly cared about them, no matter their grades, no matter the number of campus clean ups they had, or even no matter if they told me every day with a sly smirk on their face just how excited they were to leave for high school. 

And that was that. One of my shortest speeches and arguably one of my less personal ones as well. No mention about my family, my health, or specific principal-student stories. This year, I just wanted to recognize the amazing work of all of our students and, at the same time, hopefully impart some lasting remarks that could possibly make a different in their lives down the road. 

As always, thank you to our UMS families for your support over the past three years, thank you to the UMS staff for your continued dedication to our students, and thank you to our promoting students a wild three years.

Here is the graduation speech. Enjoy.

-Todd

Good Morning Everyone,

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Todd Feinberg, and I have been privileged to have been the principal of Union Middle School for the past thirteen years. It is an honor to stand in front of you all today. It means a great deal to me. I truly care about each and every one of my Union Tigers. I hope you all will keep in touch.

As I look out at all of you today, I am filled with so, so many thoughts and emotions. Mostly, I have an overwhelming sense of pride and admiration that you all made it to this moment. You are a truly unique group of young people; each with their own strengths, talents, and spirit that you have brought to Union Middle School.

Crossing the stage tonight is no small achievement. It’s a symbol of hard work, perseverance, and resilience. But… it’s also a transition, one that marks the beginning of a new chapter as you move on to high school and beyond. And… with that in mind, I’d like to leave you with some words of advice. I hope these words may help guide you on your road ahead.

1. Treat others how you wish to be treated… and go out of your way to be kind.

Many of my most treasured moments over the past three years with you, the class of 2025, have been the smallest. It’s a fist bump out of nowhere to say hi. It’s when I saw one of your 8th grade classmates helping a 6th grader get their rolling backpack up the school steps. Every time we had a new student arrive on campus, it’s how you immediately would take them into your friend group. These moments may seem small to you, but they’re not. Sometimes, the kindness you share with another can mean the world to them. After all, in a world where you can be anything, be kind. 

2. Learn to say no, even to your bestest of friends

I wish I could gift you the ability to set boundaries and to do so with ease. However, this is a skill that seems to be learned over time. My advice is this: if you know something is wrong, don’t get involved. If something doesn’t feel right, walk away. The other kids you’re with who you call friends… if they are constantly making choices that give you pause, well, maybe consider looking into finding new friends, ones who raise you up and not those who pull you down. 

And if all else fails, just imagine that I’m there, holding my megaphone, watching you from across campus with a blank, stern look, all in an effort to encourage you to make the choice you know you should make. One of my favorite sayings, which some 8th grade families have heard many times over the past few years, is “show me five of your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” 

Choose your friends wisely. Set reasonable boundaries. Protect yourself from the person that you don’t want to become.

3. When life gets hard and it will… know that it will get better.

Over the next four years, you will experience days where things feel overwhelming. You may feel like there’s no way out, like your world is crashing down and society seems to be falling apart - believe me, we all feel this way sometimes. In those moments, I want you to remember that you are never alone. Reach out to someone you trust: your family, a friend, a teacher, a counselor, or even a former middle school principal. We all want to help. And no matter how challenging things feel in that moment, it won’t feel that way forever. It gets better…I promise you… it really does get better and in ways you can’t even imagine. Tomorrow is another day and always something to look forward to.

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So, to the class of 2025, you will be quite unforgettable. To our gifted scholars: please continue to amaze us with your curiosity and insight. To our quiet leaders:  do not stop leading by example, even if you don’t even realize the impact that you have, even in the smallest, most innocuous of ways. To the kind, empathetic individuals sitting in front of me now, thank you for how you’ve helped each other, how you’ve challenged one another (and for some, especially challenged your parents, your teachers, and your principal); and how you’ve made our school a better place just by being here. For this, we thank you. 

I look forward to watching you all on your journey to high school. Thank you for being a part of our lives over the past three years.

Congratulations, Class of 2025.

And now, the presentation of the diplomas for the Union Middle School class of 2025.

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Graduation Speech - 2024 - Union Middle School

Below is my graduation speech for the Union Middle School class of 2024.

This year, just like in recent years, I waited until a few weeks before the ceremony to write my speech. I do take notes throughout the year as I try to find a unique theme to fit the promoting 8th grade class. I was sitting on my couch, trying to drown out the noise from whatever television show my sons were watching (I think it was Boss Baby), and just started typing out my thoughts on my iPhone. About 20 minutes and 1000 words later, I was done.

From there, after I had the body of the speech done, I left it alone for a week or so. I went back to the speech just last week and started to move around my thoughts and stories and themes. When I was finally done, I sent to, per the usual, to Mrs. Dunavan (one of our 7th grade ELA teachers). Her response was "I wouldn't change a thing"... and so I didn't. 

Just like last year, I didn't prepare or practice the speech, once it was done. I gave a brief summary to our office staff and then read it to my wife. That was it. The theme of the speech just felt right; it felt like the best way to summarize this 8th grade class. 

This was a great class. Memorable in every way. Positive ways, challenging ways, silly ways, and academic ways. We are truly going to miss them. 

As always, thank you to our UMS families for your support over the past three years, thank you to the UMS staff for your continued dedication to our students, and thank you to our promoting students for just being you.

Here is the graduation speech. Enjoy.

-Todd

(One last tidbit, since I did have this question asked, my fantasy football rival is "Team Kitty" and no, they haven't ever won a championship despite being in our 16-team fantasy football league for 30+ years. Just for comparison sake, I have won four times in that span.)

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Good Morning Everyone,

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Todd Feinberg, and I have been privileged to have been the principal of Union Middle School for the past twelve years. It is an honor to stand in front of you all today and means a great deal to me. I truly care about each and every one of my Union Tigers. I hope you all will keep in touch.

And now to speak directly to our promoting 8th graders… oh my… my 8th graders… 

I want to share a little bit of information that I myself did not have at age 14 and truly wish I did. It is a simple question that is very hard for a 14 year old to answer… and that’s okay. 

But if you were to ask anyone who has lived a long time this question… and yes, I understand to our promoting 8th graders, “anyone who has lived a long time” might mean anyone over the age of 35…But if you ask them the question of what they have treasured most about their life thus far, what they have truly treasured, I suspect that most of them will respond with stories of the people they’ve met and the experiences they’ve had.

They will smile as they reminisce about the post college graduation trip they took to Europe, bouncing around from hostel to hostel, meeting so many different people. 

They may share with you details about a special friendship… someone who helped them once get through the darkest days of their life and has remained a treasured friend every moment since. 

I believe that a few may mention that monthly ice cream trip they took with a certain grandparent and how they now miss them so.  

This one might be hard to believe for some of our 8th grade students but a few will talk about their-now unbreakable friendship with their younger sibling, someone who they most likely couldn’t stand back in middle school when they would endure days and days of non-stop teasing, wrestling, and complaining. 

And I suspect many will simply appreciate how blessed they were to meet that one person who made them whole, amazed at just how fortunate they are to be loved. 

If you ask all of these individuals what they treasured most about their life thus far, there’s something you won’t hear mentioned that often. 

Things. They won’t mention things.

Like an iPhone. 

Their social media. 

A new car. 

What college they got into. 

How much money they made.

How big their house was. 

What they own. 

 

But that’s the benefit of age… because right now, at your age, as you head off to high school, a huge focus of your life seems to be about “things”. And that's okay. 

Just know, in the long run, all of those things you’re so focused on now likely won’t matter. 

What will matter to you is your friends, your family, and all of your experiences along your journey, to high school and wherever the winds take you thereafter. 

It’s the time you spend. The memories you make. None of this is found on a cell phone or a social media account. I promise you that not one adult looked back at their “streak” on Snapchat, proud that it lasted for an entire year. Don’t take this the wrong way, but these things… they just do not matter. 

What I myself treasure thus far are the most unique and special moments of my life.

It’s meeting my wife, then my co-worker, for the first time. (I’m starting with this one, just in case she reads my speech at some point.)

It’s being halfway around the world in an orphanage and having the attendant walk into the room holding our soon-to-be adopted daughters, seeing them for the first time.

It’s how my incredibly busy father would move around his entire work schedule to watch his son on a random Friday afternoon kick for the high school football team. 

It’s the unlikelihood of seeing a random high school classmate on my college campus a week before my freshman year began and having that small interaction lead to a thirty year friendship and an intense fantasy football rivalry.

I hope all of you get to experience such treasured moments in your futures. I hope when you’re asked the question 50 years from now of what you treasured most from your lifetime, you have a varied list of experiences, moments, and friendships to recall. 

And that’s what’s exciting about today. All of these experiences. All of these future best friends you haven’t met yet but will. You have so much to look forward to. 

Your tomorrows are going to be amazing, and that’s starting today. You have the proverbial blank canvas to start painting your future upon. It’s an amazing moment for you. 

So thank you for sharing these past three years with us at Union Middle School. You’ve provided so many amazing moments yourselves that our staff will never forget…

To an amazing 8th grade basketball season and incredibly impressive spirit game performances…

To our mathletes for their unprecedented success this year in their various competitions…

Or when that one student somehow got stuck between the wall and the gym bleachers, needing Mr. Barbara and myself to lift them out… I still don’t understand how they got there in the first place… Anyway, I think that was the first time I met you, Ori.

Arriving each and every morning at school and visiting Mrs. Lueck’s office to see what cheerful message a certain student named Chelsea left for me on the white board…

And to all of our silly conversations… including my daily interactions with that one student who would always say how the principal was their favorite 50 year old despite said principal not being 50 yet, PARSA.

Students… It has been an amazing three year ride. 

I know that so many middle school promotions say how wonderful their 8th grade class is… and while this is true of the 2024 Union Middle School promoting class… What I’d rather share instead is how this class will not and cannot be forgotten. 

When I look back in 10-20 years and ask what I remember about all of the UMS students from my time as the principal at Union, it’s going to be this class I’ll remember. 

The shared experiences we’ve had. 

The amazing students I’ve met.

It’s going to be this class, the class of 2024, that I treasure. 

Congratulations to each and every one of you.

And now, the presentation of the diplomas for the Union Middle School class of 2024.

Graduation Speech - 2023 - Union Middle School

Below is my graduation speech for the Union Middle School class of 2023.

Like last year, I didn't write the below speech until a week before the ceremony. When I was finally ready, I sat down at my laptop and tried to figure out what I wanted to say, what I wanted to share. Once I had the gist of the theme, it took just over an hour to write everything down. It flowed pretty quickly. Add in some edits (as well as a kind reviewing eye by Mrs. Dunavan, one of our 7th grade ELA teachers) and it was complete.


What's interesting (for me, at least) about this speech is that I practiced it way less than any other speech that I had. At the actual ceremony, I needed my notes less than I had in any previous ceremony. I just felt a flow to my words and what I wanted to collectively share about this promotion class.


When I did practice reciting the speech, I got through it just fine without any emotion or hiccups. However, when I read the speech in front of everyone, I couldn't get out the words for #5. Didn't expect that to happen. Powered through it. Just didn't expect the ability to speak to leave me at that moment.


As I share in my speech, this was a really good class. What I liked most about this class is that every single day, I could meet an 8th grade student who I had never interacted with before and just be amazed by their spirit, their humor, their classwork, everything. We are going to miss this class.


As always, thank you parents for your support over the past three years, thank you staff for your continued dedication to our students, and thank you students for just being you.


Here is the graduation speech. Enjoy.

-Todd

Good Morning Everyone,


For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Todd Feinberg, and I have been privileged to have been the principal of Union Middle School for the past eleven years. It is an honor to stand in front of you all today and means a great deal to me. I truly care about each and every one of my Union Tigers. I hope you all will keep in touch.


Wow. What. A. Year.


In fact, what a crazy three years we have all had. Online for 6th grade. Transitioning back for 7th. Then this year. 8th grade.


What. A. Year.


And What. A. Class.


This class is a group of talented leaders, exceptional scholars, and most importantly a group of kind, wonderful, reflective, and often silly human beings. You’ve made us laugh. You’ve made us think. You’ve made us begin to miss you before you’ve even left. And we are going to miss you as you transition to high school, wherever that might be. Congratulations on your impending promotion. You should be very proud of yourselves for this accomplishment.


No Union Middle School promotion would be complete without some final words of advice. Now, some of you who may have been frequent visitors to our front office over the past three years may recognize some of what I’m going to say. I’m going to ask you to indulge me for one final time, even if you’ve heard all of this before. To be brief, I’ll focus on five key thoughts.


One: Your days are made of moments and are but a small part of your journey. It’s great to make good choices to help guide your way, just don’t be afraid to make mistakes. I’d also like to encourage you to be different. Middle school students spend three years trying not to stand out and not to be singled out. My advice as you enter high school is to embrace your differences and make it who you are. After all, there is only one you. It’s sort of your superpower, you being yourself. Embrace it. Be Different.


Two: I’d like to encourage you to work every day on being just a little more resilient. You’re going to be told no from a parent sometimes. It’s possible you won’t get the lead part in the school play. There’s always a chance you might not get into your first choice for college. All of these things are okay. Challenges build resilience and resilience builds character and character builds you into the person you need to be. Don’t assume there’s just one path to get you to where you want to be… because there isn’t. I can guarantee you that being a middle school principal is a much different destination than being a placekicker for an NFL team. Plans change. Be okay with that. Be Resilient.


Three: Assume positivity in your conversations with both friends and strangers. Many of those you meet are carrying mountains. Be someone who helps them climb them instead. Don’t forget to treat others as you want to be treated. I realize that’s something you’ve heard before, but as you get older, it continues to be increasingly valid. Try to have conversations in person rather than on a digital device. Have “facetime” actually mean in-person “face to face” time. Texting often makes things worse, not better. I’ve yet to see one argument end well through texts. Schedule real in person time with your friends, with your family. If you think about all of your favorite memories, how many of them happened in person versus how many of them happened online. Be Kind and Be Present.


Four: Choose your friends wisely. Your circle of friends influences your daily decisions which, in turn, shape you into the person you will become. Surround yourself with people who have the qualities you want to one day have. Be open to making new friends along the way. As you grow, so should your friend circle. Adding new friends along your high school and life journey is a good goal to have. Your future best friend that you never knew you would one day have could be sitting across from you in your 9th grade math class. Simply put, Be a Friend.


Five is a bit longer.


The past three hundred sixty five days have been quite challenging for me, healthwise. The first health scare was a year ago, almost to the day.


Remembering that day, I recall sitting in the ER with my father. He’s asking questions of me, of the doctor. I’m non-responsive with an extremely high fever and severe chills. All I can recall about the doctor is that they were strongly concerned about whatever was happening to me. I’ll later be told that I had sepsis; this is essentially when bad bacteria finds its way in your bloodstream. And as bad as that sounds, it’s actually quite worse.


It was touch and go for the first day or two. It’s amazing what you think about when you’re faced with these life-threatening moments.


Me, I thought of many things, my friends, my family… oddly I thought a lot about Union Middle School, both the staff and our students. I thought about missing this promotion ceremony. I thought about my daughters, my wife, and my fantasy football team (and not necessarily in that order).


But what I thought about most were my sons. They had just turned 7 and I thought of all of the things I might miss. I thought about all of the times I said no to one of their requests to spend some time together. Maybe I had work to do, maybe I wasn’t in the best of moods, maybe I didn’t want to go PokémonGo hunting for the 50th time that week. Whatever the reason, all I could think about in that hospital bed were all of the moments my sons and I never had (or will have) together and how badly I wished I had said yes.


So my final bit to say to you on the final day of your middle school career comes from what I thought could have been my own personal final day… and that final bit of advice is to say yes.


Say yes to staying out a bit later than maybe you should (but still within your curfew, of course). Say yes to a semester abroad. Say yes to homecoming with a friend. Say yes to your tomorrow by starting today. Say yes to when your father asks if you want to go to the mall together. Say yes to lifting the spirits of a friend who seems a bit down lately. Say yes eight years from now to writing a kind card about your impending college graduation to a former middle school teacher who made a difference. Say yes to trying out for the high school field hockey team, even if you’ve never played before. Say yes to taking a calculated risk. Say yes to pushing yourself a bit outside your comfort zone. Say yes to starting a high school club that speaks to you.


Say yes to being different.

Say yes to being resilient.

Say yes to being kind and being present.

Say yes to being a good friend.


I’ll even recommend you say yes to PokémonGo with your children one day in the far, far future, even if it’s for the 50th time that week.


So, to the Union Middle School class of 2023, we wish you the very best. I thank you for being a part of my life over the past three years and thank you for being a part of each other’s journey. You have each brought something very unique and special to Union Middle School. Without a doubt, and I don’t say this at every promotion but, this is a class that we will miss. And miss a lot.


Congratulations, Class of 2023.


And now, the presentation of the diplomas for the Union Middle School class of 2023.

(Thank you to Mrs. Wu for the photo!)

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Graduation Speech - 2022 - Union Middle School

Below is my graduation speech for the Union Middle School class of 2022.

 
I put off writing the actual "principal promotion" speech until a week or so before the actual ceremony. I knew the main concept as I had been collecting inspirational and thought-provoking quotes for the last few years. I also had an idea to weave in the concept of middle school seemingly going so fast, seeing how quick the time has gone over the past decade as UMS principal. Hard to believe it's been ten years.


I really liked this year's promoting class. Yes, there were a bit more silly and slightly more time-consuming than some of the previous classes, but I don't know if we've ever had just such a good natured group of kids who could look back and just laugh at some of their mistakes. I don't know if there's every been a class who has matured as much in a single school year as this year's 8th grade students. We are all going to miss them.


As always, thank you parents for your support over the past three years, thank you staff for your continued dedication to our students, and thank you students for just being you.


Here is the graduation speech. Enjoy.



-Todd

Good Morning Everyone,

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Todd Feinberg, and I have been privileged to have been the principal of Union Middle School for the past ten years. It is an honor to stand in front of you all today and means a great deal to me. I truly care about each and every one of my Union Tigers. I hope you all will keep in touch.

I’ve written nine promotion speeches. This, if you’re following along, will be my tenth. Ten years; that is a long time. Ten years ago, none of our promoting students had even started kindergarten yet. Also ten years ago, my wife and I just had one set of twins. Ten years is a long time.

Someday, Union Middle School class of 2022, you’ll reflect back and wonder where all of the time went. Your children will be attending school and have a spirit day where students dress up like it’s 2022. They’ll wear yoga pants and sport a weird shaved-on-the-side-with-curls-on-top hairstyle. You’ll be worried about your parents, stressed out by the decisions of your children, longingly miss the ability to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon, and, as I’m sure your parents in the crowd can attest, you’ll need a vacation just to recover from the family trip. And yet, all of this will happen in a blink of an eye.

Knowing how fast these days will feel, I’d like to share a few words of advice. Over the past decade, I’ve collected a variety of quotes, some of which I’ve come across in the oddest of places and said by a variety of individuals. Of those I’ve found, I’d like to share five of these quotes with you. What better time to do so than here, at your middle school promotion. I’m hoping that these workds speak to you, just as they’ve spoken to me.

From Maya Angelou: “We do the best we can until we know better. Then, we do better”

As you move through high school and beyond, please remember that your mistakes are forgivable. Don’t beat yourself up for your youth. We all have so much to learn. No one knows everything there is to know. Figure out how to forgive yourself, especially in those moments where you truly tried your best. And afterwards, once you know better, simply do better next time. There will always be a next time.

From Kyle Higgins, the writer of the comic book Darkhawk 4: “If you’re so worried about who you’re supposed to be, it’s real tough to appreciate who you are.”

One thing that is common about our early teenage years is how hard we try to not stand out, especially at middle school. Perhaps we’re unsure of ourselves, worried that we might become the center of whatever conversation is being said at the lunch table across campus. I’ve found that middle school students are often afraid to branch out from their relatively small social circle. Know that you aren’t alone when you feel a little bit lost on who you were supposed to be. My advice is this, Class of 2022: Know that you are loved, as evidenced by everyone who came to see your promotion today. Try to celebrate the littlest of victories, each one counts. Worry less about who you are supposed to be and appreciate who you are, because you are anything but invisible.

The third quote is: “What do you think about having more children?”

This was said by my wife two years ago. We have just recently returned to on-speaking terms. Moving on here.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes I’ve ever heard: “Some of you need to stop listening to criticism from people you wouldn’t ask advice from.”

This quote came from Phil Brooks, a professional wrestler better known as CM Punk. With the increase of social media in our lives and the ability for anyone to anonymously troll another individual on the internet, one skill that many of us have lost, assuming we ever had it in the first place, was the ability to deal with the noise. Not the noise that a passing train creates but instead the noise that others bring into our lives by their hateful, mean, spiteful comments, often online. Please know that the negative words you may encounter say more about the person writing them than they may about you. Don’t give their words any oxygen. After all, why care about any criticism from those people you wouldn’t ask advice from? Trust who you are and don’t listen to the noise. Be you. That’s who you are meant to be.

And lastly, from educator Kylene Beers: “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing”

For the past few years, I’ve reflected on this quote more than a couple of times. I know the year of distance learning was hard on our Union Middle families, just as it was for the UMS staff, and just how hard it was for me. We collectively missed out on spirit games, field days, the UMS blasts, and so much more. I truly wish that your middle school experience could have been different. But, throughout the pandemic, I kept on coming back to this quote: the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

There are going to be moments in your life where the right opportunity comes along, but you know it’s the wrong time. Perhaps it’s a possible love interest while you’re involved with someone else. Perhaps it’s a trip around the world, right before the interview for the job you’ve always wanted. Perhaps it’s as simple as participating in an all-hours Elden Ring tournament the night before your ELA belt test. Don’t beat yourself up, thinking your moment has passed. There is always another trip, another tournament, another opportunity tomorrow.

There might even be times where you need to make what might be an unpopular and even disappointing decision. These will be challenging moments because you know what the right thing might be. When the timing is right, you’ll know. Trust your instincts and your heart. When the timing isn’t right, for whatever reason that may be, it truly isn’t the right thing to do anymore; it’s the wrong thing.

And the right thing to do now, and yes, I do think it’s the right time as well, is to wish you, the class of 2022 the very best. I thank you for being a part of my life over the past three years and thank you for being a part of each other’s journey. You have each brought something very unique and special to Union Middle School. You will be missed but I look forward to what happens next and what quotes you create along the way, for the next ten years and beyond. It goes fast. Savor these days.

Congratulations, Class of 2022.

No, I'm Not Okay

When I start writing a blog, I often write key bullet points of what I want to say. From there, I simply add in my thoughts to flesh out the story. This blog started in October of 2020. Thirty minutes ago, it was just bullet points. It's taken a bit of time to heal from how I (and how many of you) felt last October. I'm guessing we aren't completely there yet. But that's okay.

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October 26, 2020

I'm sick of the pandemic. I'm tired of working from home, from the screams of my children frustrated with their zoom classrooms, and from having seemingly zero purpose. I miss being at school with our staff and students. I don't think this is sustainable but while I'm sick of the pandemic, I don't want to get sick from the pandemic. And that's the dilemma. 

For most of the pandemic thus far, we've had all four of our children at home. All four children have special needs, although each in very different ways. Let me be blunt about online schooling: while it doesn't work for a lot of students, it really really doesn't work for a lot of students with special needs. 

There are some good point coming out of the last six months of the pandemic. My sons can now work the TV remote better than my wife or I can at this point. All four of our kids have figured out how to access YouTube on their iPad despite not having the app downloaded (hint: they go through Safari - pretty crafty of them). I haven't spent a penny on dry cleaning. I haven't spent a penny on dress shirts for work, although I'll eventually need to replace my entire wardrobe due to my current stationary-type life. My sons and daughter can sing each other to sleep through the hole in the wall they've busted open between their rooms. But for the most part, my days feel really empty. 

My wife is unable to safely go visit her father in San Diego.

Our daughters' special needs camp, which provides necessary respite for our family, is closed and will be for another 12 months.

At work, I'm finding myself in a constant bind between how to best support our students, staff, and community, which often begets three different outcomes.

The level of uneasiness about what the next few weeks and months will bring.

I have a palpable fear of students wanting to be back at school and then realizing that "new school" is nothing like "old school" - it's just distance learning in a classroom. 

I know that everyone is suffering in different ways right now. We are all feeling a sense of loss. I recognize that a loss of the upcoming spirit game for a 13 year old might feel less important in life's journey than the loss of prom for a 17 year old high school senior to many, but to that 13 year old, it's just as significant if not more. It's hard to compare one's loss to another's. Similar to grief, everyone gets to experience these emotions as they need to. It's what's real to them. 

It's weird. I thought working at home would be less stressful, but it's actually significantly more. I have a true appreciation for my staff in what they're doing to make distance learning successful while still hating the fact we can't magically return to pre-pandemic days. I hate being an online principal. I hate how I sometimes have to raise my voice at home to speak over the constant "kid noise". Most days, it feels like everything is falling apart, whether it's our school, the staff, our families, or even my hamstrings due to a kickball incident over a year ago. Yes, they still hurt.

I do know that the feeling of loss from not having our 6th grade participate in after school volleyball this year will pass. 

I know that my wife will eventually get to see her dad again.

I know that my worry over what the next six months will bring, especially as cases skyrocket this winter as many believe they will, should not and cannot paralyze how we remain connected to one another. 

I know I'm sick of the pandemic, but what I'm not is sick from the pandemic. 

Very clearly, I'm not okay... and I'm not going to be okay for a while... but that's okay. A lot of us aren't okay right now. We won't be okay when the quarantines are lifted and we return to some resemblance of our pre-covid lives. It's going to take a while to feel okay again.

But all of that said, I do know that one day it's going to be okay. We're going to be okay. 

The Classmate Twin Idea and the Chaos Thereafter

It was a very odd summer for many school administrators. There were changing guidelines, shifting expectations, and just a whole lot of uncertainty about what school would look like in the fall. At our middle school, while nothing was official until further along in the summer, it was increasingly clear that our school would start in some format of distance learning. Upon this belief, I searched for ideas that might make the loss of in-person school a little less painful for our students and their families.

One idea I latched onto very early was the idea of a learning pod for our students. One of my early emails to our families used this terminology as something we would explore to best support all students. However, just as quickly as I began to figure out what this process would look like for our school, a huge backlash regarding learning pods surfaced within education. Questions of equality, equity, and whether or not a school should become involved in the process.

These conversations helped me refine my thinking on what I was truly looking for to best support our students. What I wanted was the opportunity for a student to select a friend to be in their classes. Thus, when they were on their Zooms together, they'd see a friendly face... when they were working on their assignments, they had someone to connect with who they already felt comfortable talking to... what I was searching for was for our students to have a classmate twin.

And so, that's what we offered our students: name a student who you'd like to share your four core academic classes with and, if they also name you, you'll be partnered together. Sounds simple, right?

It wasn't.

Behind the scenes, we were building a master schedule that we had never created before. We were on a time crunch to build student schedules quickly, as a promise I made to myself was to provide students their schedules as early as possible this year. The final schedule format was approved rather late in the summer, sending us scrambling to shove a 6 weeks process down to 6 days. Everything we were doing was to best support our students.

Nevertheless, we added the wrinkle of the classmate twin. I thought it would be really easy. Students just had to click on a link and fill out a 4 question form. That's it. Nothing more. We even developed a FAQ that answered every student/parent question that we could think of. Regardless, and perhaps this shouldn't have been a surprise, there was a flood of questions and special requests about the classmate twin process.

Can we be triplets? (no... just twins...)

Do I have to select my sibling? (check with mom and dad first... i'm fine with whomever you select)

Can I be a classmate twin with someone from a different grade? (exactly how would it work for a 7th grade to be a classmate twin with a 6th grader? what am I missing here?)

My student is new to UMS; we don't know anyone; how are we supposed to select a classmate twin? (you're right; it's hard to select a classmate twin when you don't know anyone - but that's ok... you aren't missing out; after all, most years this isn't even an option)

Can you extend the deadline until after school starts? (this doesn't even make any sense... that's not how a master schedule works)

The student my child wants to partner with doesn't want to partner with them. Can you make the classmate twins anyway? (yeah, no, not going to happen)

And so on.... 

I also received a lot of angry emails from parents. They were upset that I had only given them a week to find a classmate twin and only a half dozen notification reminders. They were upset that their child's two best friends had chosen each other and left their student without a classmate twin. They were upset that their student's best friend refused to fill out the form and reciprocate in the process. They were just upset. 

Meanwhile, amidst all of these emails, we had our admin team working around the clock to make the necessary changes to all of the students' schedules who selected a classmate twin. We spent almost the entire weekend working on the classmate twin schedule requests. I personally paid two separate babysitters to watch my own kids on a Saturday afternoon so I had extra time to work on the schedule requests. And this wasn't us leaving the work to the last minute; the opportunity to select a classmate twin was jammed into our get-ready-for-school timeline and we just had to find the time. 

In my mind, I thought the classroom twin process would be just a few clicks per student. I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. After the dozens and dozens of hours we spent checking the spreadsheet, comparing classmate twin schedules, adding classes, dropping classes, checking back to make sure all students had a full schedule... All I could think about was a question a colleague asked: knowing what you know now, would you have introduced the classmate twin idea for this school year?

Every single time I was asked or reflected on this question, I was able to provide an immediate answer: Absolutely not. Never again. It was a huge mistake and not worth the angry emails or time away from our families. It was just too much to do in such a short amount of time. Nothing could dissuade me from how certain I was that I'd never go through the classmate twin process again. I truly cannot express how labor intensive the process was behind the scenes for our admin team. We just couldn't ever subject ourselves to that kind of commitment with everything else that's going on at the start of the school year.

And then I got the following unsolicited email in early September, reprinted below with permission and slightly edited to hide the identity of the parent and their family.

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Dear Mr. Feinberg,

My name is (Parent), I have a (child) in 6th grade and we have been part of the Union School District since (they) started Kindergarten at (elementary school X).


Going from K-5 to MIDDLE SCHOOL was a milestone (my child) was looking forward to with much enthusiasm. But as we closed out 5th grade, we knew everything was now "subject to change" and we'd have to wait to see how the beginning of 6th grade was going to happen.


Right as summer break started, our family made a conscious decision to pair up with another student (and their family) from (elementary school Y) that we knew through soccer. Expanding our "bubble" with this other family gave both (students) some semblance of "fun" and excitement during summer break, and a chance to escape from being sequestered alone with their parents 24/7.


When your email came out announcing the opportunity to request a Class Twin for the academic year, it was like you had read our minds, heard our anxiety around the start of the school year, and offered a solution that felt like it was custom made for us. (Our daughter) and (their friend) were assigned to be Class Twins and have been navigating through the world of Union Middle School together. It not only has been fun for them to share the experience together, it's given the parents a chance to share oversight responsibilities too. The (students) alternate houses during the school week, which gives each set of parents (all 4 working from home) a day or two of fewer distractions and more opportunity to focus on work.


I'll take a page from your playbook -


TL/DR:
THANK YOU for the class twin program and for accommodating (our daughter's) and (their friend's) request. They are going through 6th grade right now together as they alternate between houses during the school week. It's gone a long way to helping all of us get through these unusual times together.


I hope you have a great holiday weekend.
Sincerely,
(Parent)

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And that email made me think... sometimes, it's a challenge to have the best of intentions and not see the good that comes out of the work we do as educators. A former colleague always said "no good deed goes unpunished" and truthfully, that's how it feels to be an administrator a lot of the time. It's how I felt about the classmate twin process right up until I received this email from the parent. 

And if you ask me now if I'd offer a classmate twin again if we ever began another year with distance learning, I wouldn't say no. 

I think I'm a solid maybe, subject to change.