The Stolen Milkshake

One of the best things about not living too close to where I spend most of my days is the privacy that I'm allowed on the weekend to walk the neighborhood in my pajamas, venture out to eat with my family without worries, and given a bit of separation from "the job" of being a middle school principal at all hours of the day.

When I worked at the local high school in my neighborhood, it was not uncommon to be stopped on my walks by parents seeking school advice. 

I distinctly recall one dinner my wife and I had at a local restaurant where the family sitting next to us spent their entire dinner complaining about the job the administrators were doing at the local high school. I sat there as quiet as I could possibly be for the first thirty minutes, listening to everything these administrators were doing wrong. Sadly, I was one of the administrators they were talking about and in their defense, they weren't wrong about everything. Eventually, I did speak up and introduce myself, offer to answer any questions, and tell them how delightful their student was. The next fifteen minutes of silence from their table was both awkward and incredibly wonderful.

There was one time where a parent, who would go on to receive a restraining order from one of our teachers, discovered where I lived and showed up on a Saturday to ask for help with his twin sons. Yes, a Saturday. At my front door. 

These were not the best of days.

Fast forward a few years and now I oddly miss it. 

I commute approximately twenty five minutes to work each morning. Thus, it is quite rare that I see a Union Middle School family at my local Palo Alto hangouts. Yes, one student was outside my house once but they were just as awkwardly unexpected to see me as I was them. I've occasionally run into a student at the Oakland Zoo or perhaps Stanford Shopping Center. For the most part, however, I have a clear division between my work and home lives.

And yes, despite the horrible experiences from years past, I do miss occasionally seeing students and their families in a non-school setting. 

The best part of seeing a student outside of school is the frozen response we educators get. The student will become statuesque, barely able to turn their head to their parent and speak the words, "mom... Mr. Feinberg is here... right there... buying six bananas... what is happening?"

They're absolutely adorable. 

I use these moments to introduce myself, offer a few positive words about the student to their parent, say something silly to unfreeze the moment, and go on my way. 

And sometimes... there are rare opportunities where we get to have a little fun with our students and be as silly as they are when we adults are not around. These moments turn into some of my favorite stories.

For example...

A week ago, I was grabbing a quick dinner at the hamburger place down the block from Union Middle. The assistant principal and I were to attend a Home and School Club meeting that night, and so after our meetings and before the next scheduled event, we had a scant forty five minutes to grab a bite and return to school.

While at dinner, two brothers, an 8th and a 6th grader, walked into the restaurant. I saw them ordering shakes and asked if they were getting me one too. They smiled back and said "of course we are! It will be ready and just a bit!"

He was smiling - obviously I knew he was kidding - and so I replied that I would wait for as long as it took. I thanked him profusely for buying me a milkshake. What a great kid! 

The two students were both laughing. The 8th grader informed me that he had purchased me a cookies and cream shake and that I just had to wait. I was pretty excited to see how this was all going to play out.

The person working the milkshake counter soon called the student's name so I went up and got the shake. I sat down with the milkshake, again thanking the student profusely for the present. The student, somewhat confused why I had just picked up his shake order, calmly walked over, chuckling a bit, and said “uh, I got you a different shake; that one is mine.” “Oh,” I replied, “you must have got me a large shake instead! Thank you so much!”

The boys were sitting a few tables away so I kept checking in with them about my shake. The 8th grade student encouraged me to wait. He was sure it was coming up. When they were making a new shake, he said, “oh, that might be it!” 

So at this point, knowing I had to leave for the night's Home and School Club meeting, I was either going to walk away or instead take the joke to the next level. I chose, as any middle school principal would, the next level and used my phone to order a shake online for me.

Now keep in mind that I didn't want a shake. The last thing I needed in the world at that point was a five dollar cookies and cream milkshake. Regardless, the milkshake was ordered as subtly as I could via my phone, slightly under the table and away from the students' prying eyes.

It was the best $5 I'd ever spent.

My milkshake was ready in just a few minutes and I went up to the counter to get it. I had a former student who just happened to be working at the restaurant that night to announce “milkshake for Mr. Feinberg from (student's name)” over the speaker. I collected the milkshake and then went over to the students and thanked them over and over again. 

The look on the students' face was awesome. It was a mix of “what is going on here?” and “wait, I didn’t get you a milkshake” to “oh no, Mr. Feinberg just stole somebody’s shake!” 

At this point, we did a selfie (because that's what we do in middle school!) and after many more thanks for the shake, I left with my milkshake. As I was leaving, I could seem them a bit stunned, half expecting someone to tackle me and reclaim the milkshake I had walked away with.

I wrote the students' parents that night, just sharing the story. Both parents wrote me back with wonderful and kind emails.They shared that their sons had called them immediately after I left with the "stolen" milkshake and again shared the story when they got home that night, laughing throughout the entire retelling.

And that's what I miss. 

Large Cookies & Cream Milkshake. I ate all of it.

No Words

(Note: I wrote this blog entry a few weeks ago... but just didn't bring myself to share our experience from that week just yet. I think it's ok now. Thanks for reading.)

I don't have the words to describe last week.

It started with a random news alert that a plane had crashed in Riverside, California. It was a Monday. My wife and I had been discussing our challenging days at each of our middle schools. I quickly skimmed the news report of the place crash and slightly paused as I read that they were traveling back to San Jose. Weird, I thought, that's pretty close to where I work.

I then read a bit more about the story. The individuals on the plane had been at a cheerleading competition over the weekend. This was another odd coincidence; our two middle schools had just performed at a cheerleading competition. 

The news shared that the competition had been at Disneyland. Again, a weird coincidence. Our cheerleaders had just performed at Disneyland and had actually finished first out of seven teams. Perhaps there were other divisions or other teams who participated in the competition that I didn't know about. 

Then I received a text from our cheerleading coach. 

A bit of backstory on our cheerleading coach.

First, she's awesome. She "gets" kids. She's also our Mental Health Counselor at Union Middle. We're very lucky to have her on our site. As far as irreplaceable staff members go, she's definitely on that list.

She shared her beliefs on what had happened. That the crash may involve families from our school. That while she didn't have any facts, she was just as worried as I was. I asked her to repeat to me more than just a few times: None of our students were on the plane. All of our students came home on the bus. All of our students were safe.

Despite a flurry of false information from our new organizations, the picture started to become a bit clearer. Names of the victims were eventually confirmed. Based on what we heard, it became very clear, very quickly that two UMS families were going to need a lot of support from us and our community.

The following day at school was a challenge. Our district sent extra administrators and mental health services to our site for as long as we needed them to stay for the week. Our superintendent graciously sent breakfast and lunch for our staff. It was an "all hands on deck" type of day for our staff. We were all on the lookout for that student or students who may need support.

And it wasn't just students we were worried about. It was our staff too. The teacher who had all of the siblings in her class over the past few years. The other staff member who spent countless hours with the family, discussing how to best support their student. Or perhaps our mental health therapist herself, now having to serve as a mental health support for the students in need but also needing time to grieve herself.

For the most part, it was our cheerleading team who were struggling throughout the day, the week, the month... and rightfully so. Our cheerleading team is comprised of a very tight group of friends first, students second. They practice everyday. They hang out together. Most of their free time is spent with each other. These emotional events were not something we'd want any middle school student should have to endure. It was only with the support of our staff and each other that we were able to progress through the week.

More news about the tragic loss within our community spread on Wednesday. Our cheerleading coach and I reached out to the families throughout the week. Both affected families have former UMS students, all of which I spent lots of time working with during their UMS tenure. All of the kids involved are just flat out amazing. None of this seemed fair. It just doesn't seem fair.

We have a community who wants to help. Gofundme (included below) and meal support accounts were set up to support the families. Neighbors and friends have taken over car rides to school, homework help, and just a listening ear as students transition through these difficult times.

A week later, things still feel unsettled. The funerals for the family members are upcoming. I try to check in with the students myself every single day. When our eyes connect, I can see a level of sadness that no 11 year old should ever have to endure. I wish there is more I could do. I wish I had the words to help them.

But I don't.

I don't have the words to help.

Instead, I listen.

I offer my time, my heart, and everything else they need to help them get through the day.

If you want to join in and help as well, there are links below.

Take care of yourself and each other.

-Todd

https://www.gofundme.com/stacey-pierce-family-relief-fund
https://www.gofundme.com/farelas-family-fund

Don't Give Up On Kids

At Union Middle School, we try our best to give every student what they need to be successful.

Our teachers seek out students in need of a parent-teacher-student conference. Our mental health team challenges themselves to find students who may need supports that we're not yet providing. The administrative team repeatedly asks each other "what are we not doing for kids that we could try to do?" 

Essentially, we have built a school community where every individual is responsible for the growth and welfare of every student at our school. We don't have "those" kids or "not my problem" kids -- if you work at Union Middle, you have agreed to try your best to support all of our students, even the ones not necessarily asking for assistance.

This is not to say that we don't make mistakes. We do. We then try our best to fix the problem for the betterment of the student. 

This is not to say that we address every problem or student issue by the end of the day. We can't. Some problems we never find out about despite our best efforts. Some situations we don't find out if our suggested interventions have helped until the students visit us a few years down the road. Regardless, we are committed to try our best to support our kids and our UMS community.

This is not to say that we get it right the first time. No-one is perfect. It is to say that we don't give up on our students and will try to make the learning experience for every student a positive one. 

I realize it can be challenging for an educator to give a bit more when they feel pushed to their professional limit. This happens a lot in education, partly because educators are a noble lot and often over-extend themselves for their students. It doesn't mean that we won't try. 

Two of our new-to-UMS 6th grade teachers are starting a twice-a-week homework help club for 15-20 invite-only students in need of such supports. One of our 8th grade teachers, upon hearing about this 6th grade homework help club, has initiated a similar club but for 8-10 8th grade students in need of extra help. A simple check of #teamUMS on Twitter sees staff attending soccer games, preparing for wrestling practice, and inviting our school community into their classrooms.

Trying to best serve our students is the reason why we show up every single day. If an educator loses sight of their promise to put students first, they've officially lost their way and need to ask for help to rediscover how lucky they are to work with kids every single day. 

To paraphrase a parent from a recent IEP meeting after I asked how their students were adjusting to Union Middle...

"It's really weird for my kids at Union... I asked them, 'what's going on with those kids over there' and they said to me, 'mom, you don't have to worry; they're good kids. It's not like (our last school). Kids here are really good kids. It's not what we're used to... and it's sort of nice.'

No school staff is perfect... but I don't think you'll find a more caring, dedicated staff that our #teamUMS. 

A Schedule Switch for 2016-17

Hello current and future UMS families,

By now, you’ve surely received the news that both Union Middle and Dartmouth will be changing their Wednesday schedule for the 2016-17 school year.

Instead of beginning each Wednesday at 9:30 am (called a “late start schedule”), we will be piloting for the 2016-17 school year an “early release schedule” where students start the day at 8:30 am (just like the other days of the week) but would get out at 1:50 pm (instead of 2:50 pm like the other days of the week).

Please note that this schedule is a pilot. We are not married to it. We are not engaged. I’m not even sure we’re even dating it at this point. We are just exploring the benefits of an “early release schedule” for the upcoming school year.

My two cents: I personally strongly prefer an early release schedule on Wednesday. Here’s why, in no particular order:

The switch to an early release Wednesday will better align our middle schools with the start and end times of our elementary feeder schools. I can’t imagine what Wednesday looks like for a parent who picks up their students from both their elementary school and their middle school. Drop off elementary student at school at 8 am. Go back home to debate with your middle school student about whether or not they’re going to brush their teeth that morning. Leave for UMS at 9 am. Get back home around 9:45. Breathe. Turn around and pick up your elementary school student at 1:15. Drive home. Leave again at 2:20 to pick up your middle school student. Get back home at 3:15. Yikes. Hopefully, with a more aligned schedule throughout the district, we’ll be able to give the gift of time back to some of our families.

The feedback I've heard from our parent community strongly supports a desire to pilot an early release Wednesday. As a principal, I’m constantly listening to what our students, our staff, and our parents have to share. Even if I’m not going to be making a change in the immediate future, there’s a lot of information stored somewhere in the back of my brain based on the comments and concerns of these three significant groups. I know that there will be some students, teachers, and parents who may not like the idea of an early release Wednesday. I’m hopeful, after trying it for a year, that they may change their minds. And again, since it’s a pilot, it’s only scheduled for this one upcoming year.

From my experiences in other districts and in my conversations with our students, there is a strongly likelihood that students will complete their homework assignments after the school day rather than the morning of. It is my hope that students will choose to begin their homework a bit earlier on Wednesdays, given the early release schedule. Imagine every week where your student is done with their homework before 3 pm and they can attend to their activities, enjoy their family dinner, and maybe even watch a bit of Survivor when it returns in the fall. Right now, from my conversations with students and my observations at WOW, there is close to zero homework completion happening. This actually makes sense; it’s too risky to leave homework for the morning when there’s a chance you just won’t have enough time to complete it for first period. Now, this scheduling change could encourage more family nights on Wednesdays with students completing their homework from 2-3 pm, leaving opportunities for their after school activities and family time that evening.

Many of our parents are working parents, needing to be at work on Wednesday by 9 am. With the pilot of an early release Wednesday, working parents will be able to leave the house at the same time as their student. In conversations with parents, there is much concern about leaving a middle schooler at home in the morning by themselves with the expectation they’ll be on time to school. Additionally, we are working with Champions to have their start time on Wednesdays move up to 2 pm to provide extended care for those who may need it for their students.

Our athletic tryouts and practices might be able to start a bit earlier on Wednesdays. Mr. Barbara, our athletic director, and I have already begun discussions on a “sports team study hall” for Wednesdays. This means that students with a 3 pm practice would have a place to work on their assignments under the supervision of a team parent and/or school employee.

The numbers of tardies and absences on Wednesday will substantially decrease. Right now, we have more tardies on Wednesday than on any other day. The late start seems to encourage students to be tardy; I suspect it throws off the consistency of their schedule. We also have an unexplainable higher absence rate on Wednesday than Tuesday or Thursday. We’re hopeful that these data points begin to shift next year with the upcoming pilot.

Teachers will no longer be limited by a teacher duty assignment or the first period bell during their staff and team collaboration times on Wednesday. Currently, our staff meets every Wednesday at 8:05 for 30 minutes. Teams and/or departments then meet until 9:10 when various teachers have parking lot supervision or other teacher duties. For our teachers, this isn’t enough time to discuss their curriculum, how to best support their students, or update each other on student-parent-teacher concerns. There is rarely enough time in the morning to hold ALL meetings or IEP meetings. It’s the deadline of 1st period that complicates matters. With the change to an early release Wednesday, staff will be able to hold IEPs a bit earlier and during the school day. Teachers will be able to stay a bit longer, if they so choose, to discuss their shared students. They won’t be limited by the 1st period bell. It’s a huge difference in best supporting our kids.

There is the opportunity for some of our after school activities to start a bit earlier on Wednesday, allowing for more students to participate multiple activities. Every year, we run into conflicts with student’s schedules when it comes to their after school activities. With the early release, we’ll be able to look at moving some of these after school activities, whether it be choir, drama, or field hockey, to an earlier start time. This means that a student will be more likely to be able to participate in more than one activity, if they so choose.

And from my own perspective, I’ve worked at two other middle schools with an early release Wednesday. I’ve reached out to them during the months the possible pilot was being discussed. Both schools shared that they loved their early release Wednesdays, that the parent community was hesitant at first but eventually came to treasure the extra hour their students would have before their “after school activities” began. Neither school is considering a change from their early release Wednesdays. Both schools say that an early release Wednesday gave them an opportunity to explore different programs and additional supports for their students. That’s how I see the shift: an opportunity. A chance to see if the switch to an early release wednesday is better for our students, our staff, and our parent community. And if not, that’s ok. It’s just a pilot.

The worst words in education are “but we’ve always done it this way”. To me, if you’re not constantly looking to improve upon your practice and just standing still, you’re losing ground. I’m hopeful that the shift from a late start to an early release will benefit our school community. Thanks for listening as we give it a try.

Your feedback and thoughts, positive or otherwise, is already appreciated. Back to practicing my graduation speech for tomorrow. :)

A Lasting Impression by my Second Principal

I'm often asked by my staff and parent community about my path in becoming a school administrator. They ask if there was one individual who inspired me to leave the classroom and join the dark side of administration. During these conversations, I think back to my time in the classroom and my site principals during those classroom days.

During my first five years in the classroom, I served under three very different principals. Each of these individuals had their own unique leadership style.

I had very limited interaction with my first principal. I'm not sure we ever spoke outside of my initial interview. Within the first few weeks of my time on the campus, she retired. Hopefully, my arrival on the campus wasn't the cause of her departure.

All I can remember from my third principal was his comment about my work attire (cargo shorts and Adidas flip flops were frowned upon for the teaching staff) and his love of Bruce Springsteen's album The Rising. My future (and current) wife worked in the main office as a counselor so I learned a lot of what it felt like to be part of a front office through her experience.

It was my second principal who made a more lasting impression. Despite only serving on an interim status for a short few months, it was his support during my first semester as a classroom teacher that helped shape my perspective on what a teacher-principal relationship could look like.

He always provided critical and timely FEEDBACK.

As a teacher new to the classroom, I was woefully unprepared. After my interview and mid-year hiring, I was given the keys to my classroom and wished the best of luck. Even with the additional adults in the classroom for student support, it was my first classroom and the early goings were quite rocky. During my prep periods, I'd often venture to the office to check in. Even early on in my educational career, I liked the quasi chaos of the main office.

During these visits, the principal would take me aside and ask me pointed questions about my teaching practice. He'd ask what I felt at the time to be very challenging questions about my lesson planning, how I was addressing the social and emotional needs of my students, and how I was working on integrating myself into the staff as a new teacher at the school. Truthfully, I did a lot more listening during these conversations, as I didn't have any of the answers I felt he was looking for.

During these conversations, he would give significant feedback on my responses and what he noticed from his formal and informal visits to my classroom as well as any observations he made from my interactions with other staff members, students, and my students' parents. This feedback was often very pointed. He did not mince his words, although never in a mean way. He shared a sense of compassion toward my classroom and school site efforts while, at the same time, strongly encouraging me to reflect and figure out how I could improve my practice. The feedback he provided made me think about school topics and classroom issues in a manner I had not expected. Always supportive, not all of his feedback was positive. A significant part of his words were actually quite critical. However, his overall message was something I needed to hear if I were to be the best educator possible for my students. He offered resources and opportunity for growth. He had the talent to pull from my strengths while allowing consistent reflection on my many areas for improvement.

He modeled what diplomacy and consistency should look like for a site principal.

One of my biggest challenges as an administrator was perhaps my second principal's best talent: he truly got along with so many different types of people. Whereas I may get a bit frustrated and impatient in my conversations and observations with various members of my staff, he always maintained his composure and remained oddly consistent in his leadership. He avoided making huge waves amongst the staff. One of my main takeaways was how he trusted the teachers, as professionals, to be curriculum and classroom decisions to best support their students. Outside our school walls, he was perhaps one of the leading conversationalists on neuroscience in education and had knowledge regarding the science of the teaching profession that was unparalleled in our district.

He encouraged me to network, both on and off our school site. He was one of my strongest advocates, always trusting in my abilities while offering resources and opportunities to improve. He shared his secrets on how to remain engaged in the activity of the middle school without allowing it to overwhelm you. He was a shield of the new-to-the-teaching-profession individuals on our staff, always providing a level of consistent support.

He led with a good sense of balance. Just because a parent or a teacher had what they felt to be a significant concern, he didn't allow their issues to become his issues. He maintained a sense of self and compassion, always willing to listen but not becoming overly emotionally involved in the latest drama that occurs way too regularly on a middle school campus. It is perhaps the hardest challenge of a caring principal to not get negatively involved in the poor behaviors of the adults we interact with on a daily basis. Somehow, he threaded the balance of continued diplomacy while still showing the compassion necessary for our kids, parents, and staff.

He encouraged me to look past my current position and toward my educational FUTURE. 

As a new teacher to the classroom on an emergency credential, I was not thinking ahead to my professional career; instead, I was simply enjoying my first few days in the classroom and wondering what it would take to somehow acquire a teaching credential. As previously shared, my arrival into the classroom was based on the puzzle pieces of a chance encounter that just seemed to all fit together. I gave no consideration toward any career past the classroom.

My principal had other ideas.

He would stop me on my visits to the office to talk about my experience in the classroom that day. What had I learned. How would I apply these findings toward tomorrow. He would regularly pull back the curtain to what it was like to be an administrator. He regularly encouraged me to consider a future in administration. Without any prompting, he offered to write the eventual necessary letter of recommendation I'd need down the line for any educational career advancement. When the time came four years later where I'd need his recommendation, he had it signed and ready to go almost instantaneously. After my first few interviews, he sat with me and provided the necessary reflection to improve. When I got my first administrative position, he was one of the first people to congratulate me. When I later returned to my first district, he was one of the first people to greet me. After I once again left for an outside district, he supported me every step of the way. He seemed to have a better vision of my future than I may have had. He was always there to provide those bits of encouragement along the way.

It is from this individual that I grew many of the tenets of my administrative philosophy. While I may not always manage to reach these lofty standards, it doesn't stop me from trying to best support my fellow educators at Union Middle. Hopefully, when we have a chance to look back, a few current Union Middle staff members will reflect upon the time we spent together in a similar fashion as they move forward in their educational careers.

Developing Teacher Leaders

One of the biggest compliments I've received during my 11 years as a school administrator came from this past school semester. It occurred via the chat feature within gmail one evening, far removed from the school day. This staff member shared, "I've grown more as a teacher and as a leader while working at Union than I've ever thought possible. Thank you." 

I leaned over to my wife and had her read the teacher's comment. I was beaming with pride at the compliment. It was at this point that I realized one of the main elements of my vision for school leadership is the responsibility I have as a school administrator to develop the best teacher leaders possible for our school and for our community.

How does a school administrator create teacher leaders? It's not easy. Here's what I do.

1) Create an environment where it's ok to take risks. 

I want my teachers to feel comfortable to try new ideas in the classroom. I want them to be ok with a daily failure or three. Just as it is important to teach our students that Failure is the First Attempt In Learning, we need to take these same risks as educators. Once, looking for a better delivery system of our weekly Meeting in a Memo, I attempted to use Google Classroom to push out the weekly information to our teachers. I gave it two weeks before abandoning the process entirely. It was a complete failure. I didn't stop, however, looking for a better solution and now have a running google document that seems to work best to share this information with our staff and allow for collaboration as well. If your teachers see you take a risk that results in a failure, they'll be watching you to see how you respond. Fail forward into a better solution.

2) Say YES! as much as you can.

One of our 6th grade teachers approached me a few weeks ago, inquiring about the possibility of a field trip for our entire sixth grade class to the local Tech Museum. We hadn't experienced an all-grade field trip (outside of the annual 8th grade Great America trip) in a long time. This teacher asked if I would be ok with her researching the idea. Yes was my response. 

She later returned with more information about the possible field trip than I would have expected. I sensed she was becoming a bit excited about the possibility of the field trip. There were a few hiccups in her plan about buses, organization, and cost. This is where the principal can help. I directed her to our amazing bus guru / admin assistant to schedule the two separate bus companies' availability. I encouraged her to speak with our activities director about how to best organize the trip. Most importantly, I told her I'd cover the cost of the buses and entrance fees for the entire sixth grade. When I get the sense you're excited about student learning, I'm going to do everything I can to say YES to whatever it is you want to do. And yes, the kids had a blast.

3) Encourage their growth through all means possible.

Over the past four years as the principal, I'd like to think that almost every staff member has attended at least one conference. Many of our teacher leaders have attended multiple conferences each year. Our school district has even brought the CUE experience to our staff development days. Sometimes, however, you need to pull your staff along. Tap them on the shoulder about an opportunity. Offer to help write their introductory letter to an invite-only conference they want to attend. Sometimes, you need to push them. Two of our teachers presented at the annual CLMS conference without signing up to do so. I did it for them. Of course, I let them know that I had turned in a presentation request on their behalf after I had clicked "submit." I had seen them present at a previous conference and knew that they had something amazing to share with a larger audience. They ended up having a packed room of eager teachers, all of whom were hanging on their every word. I think at this point they began to realize that they may actually be the #edurockstars I kept telling them that they were. 

4) If you want them to grow, you have to take the first step.

One of my least favorite things has always been to speak in front of large groups of people. This may sound odd coming from a middle school principal who presents in front of 50 staff members weekly and our parent community quarterly, but it's always something I never felt comfortable with. Over the past few years, I've slowly begun to break free of my admitted fear of public speaking. It began with a small presentation alongside my then-principal Erik Burmeister followed by a presentation with three teachers in celebration of our Schools to Watch award. Next, a small push from our district's CTO to present at a conference. I then partnered with the amazing Adam Welcome to combine our presentations at a local CUE event. It then grew to a larger #FallCue presentation with fellow administrators and various superintendents in the audience. If I expect my staff to take these risks and conquer their fears, I've got to be very public about doing the same. 

5) Attend conferences with your staff

Let me clarify: Please don't be the administrator who invites your "best friend" teachers to the conference so you have a great social experience. Truly look at the conference and try to judge who would benefit most from the experience. Try your best to offer the conference opportunity to all of your staff members, even if you have to tell some staff members no. If they trust you, they know they'll have a second opportunity somewhere in the future. 

In attending the conference, check in with your teachers frequently. Help create a shared google document to take community notes on the various sessions. Hear about a great presenter? Attend that presenter alongside your teachers. Learn with them. Continue the conversation through lunch and dinner meals. Sit together and enjoy the time you have to get to know your staff a bit better. The conversations that happen during the conference but outside the sessions might be the best learning opportunity your attending teachers will experience. Use this time wisely.

6) Hire well and develop better.

We have been incredibly fortunate to have hired amazing teachers over the past four years. At Union Middle, we've built a teaching community that is second to none amongst middle schools in California. It's a challenge to think of my next venture in education, knowing that I can't bring the Union Middle School staff with me... not to say I won't try. Hiring well is one of the most important jobs of a school administrator. When you add positive and dynamic energy to your already-acclaimed staff, you create something special and have the opportunity to build true teacher leaders. And that's where the teacher leader development enters the conversation. 

My goal is to give these teacher leaders a stronger voice in how our school continues to develop and grow over the next few years. We have slowly begun to implement optional instructional leadership team meetings where we discuss data and determine how to improve our practice. I solicit constant feedback from our staff in the form of google form surveys, individual conversations via email/chat, or weekly check-ins. It can be daunting and challenging to relinquish the opportunity to say as a school principal "This is my vision and this is what we're going to do". What I've found, however, is that true teacher leaders don't need to hear my vision to become better educators; they just need my support, guidance, and encouragement to assist along their journey. 

One of my proudest (and saddest) moments over the past year was when three of our teacher leaders left for TOSA and administrative positions in other districts. I know I'm going to lose a few more talented teachers to TOSA and administrative positions in the near future but that's ok. I know they'll be well prepared and continue to be positive change agents for kids for those districts. Their departures provide our other staff members an opportunity to increase their leadership capacity and to begin their own ascent within the teacher leader ranks. 

Administrators - It is our job to build the next generation of teacher leaders. It's probably one of the best jobs in the world. Enjoy.

Kindness Always Comes Back in the Strangest of Ways

It was the mid 1990's and my younger sister had her college boyfriend visiting for a week. He was a pretty nice guy. We called him "the freshman" since my sister was a bit older and yes, he had just completed his first year of college. 

Now, in my family, there is somewhat of a history of semi-teasing any significant other that was foolish enough to visit during our college years. Once, when my older sister had a boyfriend visit, my father asked what this young man's five year plan was. Awkward silence ensued. It had become a tradition to visit Chevy's for group fajitas and to grill the visiting significant other on every topic imaginable. In fact, when a college girlfriend of mine came to visit for a week, our relationship didn't survive the Chevy's experience. Foolishly, she returned the following year for another Chevy's experience that backfired once more. You would think that I'd learn. 

So the freshman spent a week with our family. He did well enough to make it through the five year plan conversation. I found the freshman to be a really nice guy. We talked sports, college, and music. He was a big baseball fan and I shared stories of listening to the Atlanta Braves on the local radio station. When we talked music, he professed a new found love for the semi new act of the Beastie Boys. 

Now while I wasn't a huge Beastie Boys fan, I was enough of a supporter to have a few of their CDs and even some bootlegs in my collection. The freshman was wide eyed when I showed him the CDs. Knowing that I could always replace the CDs, I offered him my entire Beastie Boys collection. He at first refused my offer, but after I assured him that it was ok to accept the gift, he politely smiled and thanked me profusely for the CDs. And while he said that he'd get me back one day, I brushed the comment aside, knowing that most college relationships don't last and I'd probably never see or talk with him again. 

Fast forward twenty years.

It was the fall of 2008. I'm now married, a homeowner, and these past silly college days are way behind me. All of my sisters are now married as well. No one has heard from the freshman over the past two decades. 

Out of the blue, my younger sister receives an email. It was from the freshman. She forwarded the email to me. It's an offer for World Series tickets. 

Much to our surprise, the freshman had taken a job within Major League Baseball. He was now a Senior Executive and had the ability to send out playoff tickets to his friends... And in my case, the brother of a former college girlfriend. 

His email asked if I had any interest in playoff tickets. He mentioned the Beastie Boys CDs that were gifted two decades prior. I, of course, accepted and went to the 2008 World Series with my wife. For the second game, I flew up my father in law from San Diego and he attended his first World Series game alongside his daughter. It was a once in a lifetime experience. 

Except it wasn't. 

Fast forward four more years.

Despite trailing most of the season, the San Francisco Giants slip into the playoffs. They win a play-in game and then progress to the NLCS. This winning streak was unexpected; I didn't envision a possible return trip to the World Series this year. Nevertheless, I send the freshman an email, inquiring about playoff tickets. He responds that he'll look into the possibility. 

A few days later, the tickets arrive. Lower box seats to all three home games. My father-in-law drives up and attends game 3 and 4 with my wife, her third and fourth World Series games and possibly only her sixth or seventh Major League Baseball game ever. 

Tonight, I'm attending with my wife. In fact, I'm typing this blog during the game from my seats. I never expected a simple gift in the mid 90's would translate to World Series tickets decades in the future. 

The entire experience is a great reminder to treasure every relationship you have the opportunity to make. As I share in my yearly graduation speech for our 8th graders, there's no limit on one's friend quota. Be inclusive. Be kind. Be generous. 

And Go Giants. 

A Former Student's Essay

Last weekend, a young gentleman approached me at Philz Coffee and asked if I had taught Living Skills one summer at Palo Alto High School. I answered affirmatively, stuck out my hand, and said "Hello Rahul, how are you doing?" The student paused for a moment and then quickly shook my hand. What transpired next was the usual game of catch up after not having seen a student for a decade: we reminisced about the summer, shared silly stories of what we enjoyed from the class, each provided an update on where we are now in our lives, and a mentioning of a peer from the class who they still keep in contact with. They usually add "and I don't think I would be friends with them if not for your Living Skills classroom".

The class itself was an semester elective made mandatory for graduation that many students struggled with fitting into their schedule during the school year. After all, when you're taking Journalism, playing a sport, and enrolled in five APs, it's a challenge to somehow fit the lone semester Living Skills class into your day. Thus, students flocked to enroll in a five to six week course where they'd learn about drugs, diseases, sex, and life. 

To this day, I can name at least half of the students from each class. Just as each class had a different personality, there were a few students who shined through. Raul above was definitely one of these students. Another was Anna.

Anna was destined for greatness. She was a rising Junior at the time, halfway done with high school. From memory, I can share that she ended up with the highest grade in the class. Everything she turned in was of extremely high quality. She seemed to "get" the big picture of school - how to do well without losing yourself in the process. As the classroom teacher, I often felt dwarfed by her empathy and compassion towards others. She was everyone's friend.

The final assignment for the students was an evaluation of the summer school experience, specific to our classroom. I promised the students that I would read every word they wrote and as long as it was a page, they'd get a perfect score on the assignment. I encouraged their brutal honesty and to allow the essay to flow in whatever direction it took them. Anna, forever the amazing student, wrote the following response, unedited below:

Evaluation of Living Skills

I generally really enjoyed this class. At first I was a little skeptical about how much fun we would have because I had heard form my friends who had taken it during the year, that it was extremely boring and nobody paid attention. However, I was pleasantly surprised. I thought this was a very useful class. I learned a lot more than I ever thought I would. This is the kind of class that I think I will remember. I won't remember algebra or chemistry, but I will remember the things we did in this class. The best part, in my opinion, were all the discussions we had. I really felt comfortable sharing my opinions. Usually, I am shy in class because I don't feel completely comfortable sharing my opinions. That was not the case in this class. I was really happy about that. I liked that everyone shared their opinions because I learned a lot about all different kinds of people. I also learned how lucky I am. I mean I guess I already knew that, but when I was listening to the stories of some of the people in our class, I was like "wow." My parents are so good compared to other people's parents. It made me really appreciate everything. Another thing I liked about this class was that it was so laid-backed. I liked that you didn't pressure anyone and didn't make us stress about anything. That was really nice. I also liked the activities we did like the survivor one and the friend or foe one. I liked the way you taught those valuable lessons. Experience is a better teacher than a lecture. I also liked all the movies we watched and the kickball games. I would actually look forward to class because I found it fun. I've never found a class that fun before.

There were a few things I did not like. I did not like the fact that people were allowed to take points from other people. I thought that was unfair and mean. People worked hard for their grade and I don't see any reason for other people to steal that away. There is no point in it whatsoever. I just thought that was really unfair. That's why I didn't do it. I also did not like the consequences from the kickball game. I don't think it was that unfair, except for the extra credit one, I just don't like writing essays. It kind of takes away the fun in the game.

Let's see, what would I do differently? I would not change much. As I said before I really did like the class. I had a lot of fun and it went by really fast. I guess what I would change is the point thing.I don't think you should do that next year because it's mean. People are being penalized for something that was not their fault or that they didn't deserve. Another thing I would change is the essay after the kickball game. I think it takes away from the game and it doesn't really teach anything. Actually, if you think about it, the one thing it does teach is that if you lose you get a consequence, once again proving that winning is everything. That's not a lesson we want to be taught, now is it? Ok, that's really all I can come up with. I seriously liked this class. I liked the grades. I liked how you graded the articles based on quality, I liked how you stressed participation because that's very important, and I liked that you did not really make people feel bad about their work or anything. I liked that you don't give F's either. I liked our activities and movies and liked all the talking. Yeah, so I think this was a very interesting class. I learned a lot about life.

I saved a handful of my students' evaluations. For reasons you can read above, Anna was one of the selected few. 

While this post was triggered by the chance encounter with a former Living Skills student at the local coffee shop, it's his words I often return to: "and I don't think I would be friends with them if not for your Living Skills classroom". 

As an educator, we are blessed to meet so many amazing, young lives destined for greatness. I find it to be the most rewarding and yet heartbreaking part of the profession. While we rise with their joys and triumphs, it's the struggles that give us pause and make us question why. 

Anna was involved in a car accident coming home from college during the summer of 2007. She did not survive. She was 20. I've often meant to share Anna's essay with her parents. Today, somewhat out of the blue, I finally emailed her father. 

Enjoy your moments with your students. Don't hesitate to give their parents a call with good news. Take care of them, just as you would your own child. 

Recognizing the Quiet Gifts of the Other Half

Earlier this year, our Intro to Leadership teachers put together a very well attended Recognition Breakfast for our staff and students. Each staff member could invite one student who they felt was deserving of the honor. I left the criteria somewhat vague, although I did push for the students who may not always be selected and recognized by their peers and school for their positive efforts. We called it the Pawsitive Breakfast; after all, we are the Union Tigers.

This past weekend, I received a very timely and warm email from a parent where I was reminded of why we make these extra efforts to give every student a chance to be recognized. Despite amazing efforts by our staff in and out of the classrooms to support all students, there are always more opportunities to recognize those students who often fly slightly under the radar at our schools. 

Here is the email:

Last night at the dinner table (our student) enthusiastically shared with us what he is learning in Journalism. It seems he's quite passionate about Photo Shop. The fact is, it's the first time we have heard him excited about anything school related! 

You see, (our student) loves beauty and he loves design. He's probably the only (middle school) boy I know who snaps pictures of everything he sees as breathtaking. Clouds, trees, anything outdoors. 

He's also gifted verbally and has quite a knack for arguing. He's extremely empathetic towards people and animals. He has trouble sleeping if we passed a homeless person without giving him food from our car supply of goods. He's a negotiator - not just for personal gain - but loves to help resolve conflicts between people. His infectious enthusiasm and leadership is a delight to many. Enduring, overcoming and continuing to battle the anxiety he has endured has taken more resolve than most adults would be able to handle. 

Sadly there's no award for those things at school. Instead he continues to compare himself to his sister and friends who happen have strengths in math, science and language arts, the subjects regarded as markers of intelligence and a prosperous future in our school system.  

This article really struck a chord with me. This is more of an observation than an actual request for anything. 

Please note as well that in my gut I believe that you are doing everything, within your restricted system, to discover and celebrate the various gifts of all of your students. I'm like (my student), or maybe (my student) is like me, always rooting for the underdog, gravitating towards the students who are quiet, awkward, not so popular in this culture. Recently he's stood up twice for kids who were made fun of - a boy with a back brace and a lonely boy who sits by the gym everyday. 

As a parent, this carries more weight to me than the good grade. I'm confident (my student) will find his way and we will encourage and support him on his journey that will probably not be "traditional". If I could wave a magic wand, I just wish the school, in general, was a place where all teachers and staff celebrated and recognized the quiet gifts of the other half. 

Thank you for recognizing and taking action when you let (our student) pick an elective. You have always been his advocate and gone above and beyond for him. You are great at what you do. 

Have a great weekend.

What this parent did not know is that I tested out Google Forms with my staff last Wednesday. One of the questions on the Google Form was "what student has impressed you the most this year?" As I scrolled through all of the responses, I was impressed that the above parent's son was mentioned by a staff member as having impressed them the most throughout the year. Truthfully, he is a worthy candidate. We do have staff members who recognize these students; the goal is to make sure our students hear our voices of support and approval.

All of our students have strengths. They are all "gifted & talented" whether it be socially, athletically, academically, emotionally, or otherwise. Sometimes, the focus in middle school is solely on academics; other times, especially in our high schools, our athletes receive a disproportionate amount of attention and recognition. The strong push to being academically college ready ignores the skills our students will need when they're at college, living alone, and interacting with other 18-22 year-old student of varied backgrounds. 

Thus, my goal: let's find ways to realize the awesomeness in all of our students. Yes, the education setting can be a "restrictive system" at times, but this doesn't mean we can't create opportunities to celebrate and recognize the varied gifts of all our students. Build a master schedule that includes electives like Journalism where all students can be successful. Don't wait for the next Pawsitive Assembly to celebrate the gifts of your students, whether it be singing, sharing, or even Photoshop. I guarantee that you will be impressed.

The Unexpected Call

It had been a most challenging day at Stanford's Children Hospital. After weeks of planning and doctor appointments, my twin daughters were finally scheduled for their ENT (ear, nose, throat) surgeries. Both were receiving "tubes in their ears" and a removal of their adenoids and tonsils. These surgeries required our daughters to be "put under" for the duration. As a relatively new parent, I was very concerned about the process and the flood of instructions provided by the nurses and performing surgeon throughout the day. We tried our best to take notes as we comforted our daughters in recovery. In the end, we walked away from the day with successful surgeries, enough medication to stop an elephant in their tracks, and two extremely moody girls who would keep us up every night for the next six days.

When we finally arrived home that late afternoon after a full morning at the hospital, we realized how little of the information we had been provided we remembered. Our notes were a complete mess with bits of slobber scattered throughout (the kids', not ours). During bath time, one of the daughters put their head underwater. We were immediately concerned; didn't the doctor say that they couldn't be submerged for the next week in water? Does it count if it's just for a second? Do we need to redo the surgery? We were your typical first-time parents struggling with what to do, lacking any instructional manual on raising kids.

And then the phone rang. It was 7 pm and we were working toward putting the girls to bed. I answered the "blocked number" call and was surprised to hear the doctor's voice. She was calling to follow up on our daughters. How were they doing? How were WE doing? She patiently listened to all of my questions and responded to each one. I then handed the phone to my wife, who then proceeded to ask the same questions over again. And yes, the doctor calmly reiterated the instructions, that everything was okay, to call her office if there were any problems, and how impressed she was with our daughters' resilience throughout the day. After the call ended, my wife and I looked at each other and said simultaneously "I don't believe (the doctor) called - that is amazing!" It was a sense of relief; a sense of thanks.

At our school, we have a full time electives teacher who spends her day exploring the Spanish language and culture with her students. Our students flock to our Spanish elective, partly for the opportunity to learn a world language but also to share in the Room 37 experience. Part of her success lies directly in the culture of her classroom. Her students have fun in her classroom as they begin to learn the Spanish language. One of her strengths is caring about every student who walks through her classroom door (and truly I believe she cares about every student on the entire campus). While she has many techniques to help build her classroom community, I'm quite fond of her first few days of phone calls home.

As she gets to know her students each quarter, semester, or school year, she surprises her students' parents with a phone call home. Similar to the phone call I received from the doctor, it's a good phone call. I've listened in on a few of these calls. I'm always amazed at the parent responses. I've heard:

• Are you sure you're calling about my son/daughter?
• And it's good news? You're not calling with bad news?
• I almost didn't answer the phone because I saw the school's phone extension and assumed it was bad news 

and perhaps most powerful after receiving a parent call from a voice mail left by the teacher...

• Thank you for calling me back. I just want to let you know that I've listened to your voice mail at least a hundred times. My son is now in 8th grade and I've never received good news from any phone call home. Thank you so much. Just thank you. 

The parent was in the midst of tears throughout the follow up phone call. As a former assistant principal, the majority of my phone calls home to parents were usually around behavioral concerns. Every Friday, I did call home with the weekly Kudos, but I think it's a bit unfortunate that it's the nature of the administrative position of being an assistant principal where you will be the bearer of bad news. Lost in our daily routines is the power of the positive phone call.

The positive phone call works to build the relationship between the two places our students spent the majority of their days: their home and their school. Having an early contact with parents will help the relationship survive through any "logical consequences" conversations that follow. It's a great way to start off the semester on the right foot. Imagine the face of the student when they arrive home that day and get showered with teacher-provided praise by their parents. Do you think the student is more or less likely to participate, to enjoy, or to learn in the classroom the next day? These phone calls home have helped to create a true culture of caring in room 37.

So sometimes... consider picking up the phone and making those positive, unexpected calls. They're worth the investment. 

My Eight Favorite Things

Today, I received a very unique holiday gift from my assistant principal. It actually was not just one gift, but an assortment of items. They were, in no particular order:

1) A sled

For the Holiday break, my wife and I will be taking our twin girls to Incline Village for five days of snow and hopefully a little relaxation. This is the first time our daughters will see snow in the United States. I add the clarifying location qualifier to the previous statement, as my wife and I adopted our daughters two years ago from Russia at the age of sixteen months. I have a feeling they "saw" a lot of snow in their orphanage in the town of Murom, five hours Southeast of Moscow. This journey will be a blog topic for another day, but seeing the sled brought a smile to my face. It will be a "first" for us as a family. Just a simple, beautiful gift.

2) Candy

There are only a few negatives about working at middle school, one of which is the accessibility to candy during the work day. I definitely have a sweet tooth. While I've had lengthy periods of time of perfect "no candy at work" behavior, I find myself struggling when there are Gummy Lifesavers or Tootsie Roll Pops available in the office. Just imagine the torture of cookies everywhere during the holiday season. It's not a good scene. Here, I was given two boxes of these two kinds of candy, enough to last me through the new year.

3) Panera French Baguette

Last year, I had a moment of weakness. It began with a lunch trip to Panera where I decided to purchase a french baguette for that evening's dinner at home with my wife. I brought the baguette into my office with my purchased salad and left it on my desk. As I returned to my office throughout the afternoon, I would break off a piece of the baguette and quickly devour it. Within an hour, the baguette was gone. I had eaten the whole thing. Eating a two foot baguette does wonders to your body while working in the parking lot after school. A few staff members asked why I wasn't feeling well. I shared the above baguette story and now this disturbing tale resurfaces every time I mention I'm going to Panera to grab lunch. "Don't forget your baguette!"

4) Forty One Cents

Early in the school year, we visit our 6th grade advanced math classrooms to explain a supplementary math class, this year available online, for those students interested in advancing to (the class formally known as) Algebra 1 in 7th grade. I explain, in great detail, that there are extra work demands if they choose to participate in this class. An over-scheduled student who just likes math may want to not participate in the online class. Instead, I explain to these eager eleven year old students that if they have a love of math, if they dream of equations at night, if their favorite squares are 25 and 625 because they have the original number in the same place values when squared, or if they intentionally spend fifty nine cents at stores just so their change will be a penny, a nickel, a dime, and a quarter (forty one cents), they should join the class. It's a bit over the top, intentionally so, as I hope to inspire those students who share my own love of math to take on the extra challenge during the school year.

5) Costco Gift Card

Where to begin with my love affair with Costco... While my visits have increased to 1-2X weekly with the addition of our twin girls, I've always enjoyed the Costco shopping experience. Described as an intentional "treasure hunt-like experience," I have spent many hours walking through the local Costco's and noticing all of the subtle differences. Once, on a road trip with my future wife from Los Angeles to Palm Springs, we stopped at every Costco along the way. We would grab a cart and sprint through the store. It probably was the best part of the trip. I spend a ridiculous amount of time at Costco and probably an even more disturbing amount of money. It's my Disneyland - the happiest place on Earth.

6) a $2 bill

Recently, all administrators in our district were asked what our favorite present was for the holiday season. The purpose of the question was to guess which "favorite gift" went with what administrators. Given that my birthday and the Winter holidays often overlapped in our family of six, one of the most consistent and appreciated gifts has been from my Aunt Shelley, a former school teacher, since retired, in San Diego. Ever since my early teens, my Aunt Shelley has been sending me anywhere from one to two dozen $2 bills. I believe we're past the twenty five year mark now. I've never spent any of them and one day will present my daughters (or nieces and nephews) with similar gifts. Today, as part of the multitude of gifts, there was a $2 bill.

7) 12 pack of Diet Soda

On my best days, I limit myself to just a few diet sodas during the school days. On the longer, perhaps more intense, school days, I've been known to come close to double digits. The double takes I get from my doctor and dentist when I share with them how much diet soda I drink tells me that it's something I need to one day curb. If they were to forget to remind me of the perils of drinking diet soda, I fortunately am reminded daily by my wife that I should be drinking water instead. And yes, while my doctor, my dentist, and especially my wife are right, some days there is nothing better than a cold diet soda as you walk the school campus.

These are all of my favorite things, as presented by my assistant principal. But that's not the purpose of this blog post. Actually, the message I've discovered in re-reading the above gifts is how essential it is to have a co-administrator who listens.

I had only briefly mentioned my upcoming holiday trip to Tahoe, of which I never thought about purchasing a sled for my daughters. It was a random day and a passing moment in her office when I expressed how awesome Gummy Lifesavers were. I don't even recall sharing the story of the baguette. During the visits to the 6th grade advanced math classes, she was just silently standing nearby as she learned about her new job. Having a Costco gift card just encourages an additional visit with my girls this weekend. The $2 was a short snippet from a weekend holiday gathering. I'm not even sure how she knew I was out of diet soda as of today.

So yes, these are all of my favorite things, but truly my 8th favorite thing would be the opportunity to be working along side such a talented administrator. Thank you, Mrs. Cathy Bailey, for joining the UMS team this year. You have been a blessing.