Not The Happiest 6th Grader

I was not the happiest 6th grade student. 

My family moved to Atlanta before my 4th grade year. I spent my 4th grade year with Mrs. Scott, joined by most of my friends from my new community that my family had moved into a few months prior. 5th grade was with Mrs. Harms, just down the hall from my 4th grade classroom. Again, somehow all of my friends were grouped together for our 5th grade year. I loved school.

Near the end of the year, all of my friends and I became increasingly excited to move to the local middle school for our 6th grade year in the fall. It was around this time that my parents sat me down and informed me that I'd be attending private school for 6th grade. I was devastated.

While some 11 year olds would handle this news with grace, I did not. Instead, I protested, argued, made the empty threats only an 11 year old can make ("Well, then I'll just live somewhere else!"), and spent every day leading up to 6th grade as a relatively unhappy child. My parents, in looking back, have a few choice words to describe my behaviors during this time. Essentially, I was not a very happy 5th grade student.

And so I entered Westminster not knowing a soul. 

Westminster was at the time (and still is) a high performing K-12 private catholic school. My day started with a 30 minute commute. There were weekly religious church sessions (which was something different for me to sit through). I didn't know anyone. I really didn't make any friends the whole year. 

From my entire year at Westminster, I have four, and only four, distinct memories. 

I remember running in PE twice a week throughout the entire campus. They said the route was approximately 2.2 miles, but I'm pretty sure it was much longer than that. 

I remember playing a lot of foosball and buying candy at break and lunch.

I remember being pooped on by a bird en route to art class one day. 

And I remember Mr. Gardner.

Mr. Gardner was my 6th grade science teacher. Science was my least favorite class. It's important to note that I also had a geography class, art class, a music class, the aforementioned running/PE class... and yet, science was still my least favorite. It was in my science class with Mr. Gardner that I acted out the worst. For whatever reason, Mr. Gardner took the brunt of my frustration about switching schools, from being away from my friends, for just being an angry 11 year old child.

Mr. Gardner did everything a teacher should do. He tried the consequence route. He held parent-student-teacher conferences. He assigned more work. He assigned less work. He graded me a bit harshly. He gave me a lot of grace. Looking back, he tried everything. 

One day, I was being especially challenging in class, and I could tell that Mr. Gardner was equally frustrated with the situation. He stopped his lesson for the class and asked me if I wanted to lead the class since I had so much to say. I told him I'd be glad to teach the class for him. He paused and said calmly that I'd be leading the chapter review lesson the following day for the class and that I best be ready. No problem, I said.

But there was a problem. I hadn't paid attention for the entire chapter and hadn't started preparing for the test in two days. Now, I was responsible for the chapter review to be delivered in 24 hours. This was not good.

I went home and immediately read the chapter. I had collected some notes from a classmate. I treated the teacher-provided study guide as the holy grail. I even referenced the encyclopedia set we had at home. By late that evening, I had cobbled together a Jeopardy style review, even with the hidden daily doubles. I felt prepared. 

The class itself was a blur. It's amazing how much faster the class period goes when you're the one in front of the class, leading the lesson. I put my classmates into three teams and they could, within their groups, respond to each of the answers with the correct question for the points shown. At the end, one team was declared the winner and, as a class, we had reviewed everything from the study guide plus some additional information gleaned from the encyclopedias. 

Mr. Gardner sat off to the side for the entire lesson. At the end, he looked over at me and said "well done." I was very exhausted afterwards and fell asleep early that night. I was not prepared for exactly how challenging and tiring leading a class lesson could be. I also earned an "A" on the chapter test the following day; turns out if you prepare the class review, you learn the material for the test quite well. My main takeaway was how much I enjoyed teaching. A seed was planted.

All of this took place in 1986-87. We moved to California after my 6th grade year and I never looked back at my year at Westminster and Mr. Gardner, even though I credit him with my first teaching experience. I'm not sure I would have ever gone into education without Mr. Gardner taking a chance on letting a knucklehead of a 6th grader lead a chapter review in science class way back when. 

Every so often, I would search online for Mr. Gardner. I only knew his last name and that he worked at Westminster, but I figured it couldn't be that hard... after all, I'm pretty good with my Internet searches. And yet, I had zero luck. 

Until I received a random reply from the dean of students at Westminster. He shared that Mr. Gardner had switched schools a while back and had since retired. He was living in Tennessee and yes, his first name is Warren (but went by Sandy) and he was on Facebook. Off to Facebook I went. A quick message one night was instantly replied to and he provided his email address for me to send a thank you that included my apology for what a challenging student I was for him in 6th grade science.

He replied to my email and shared his life since Westminster. He also kindly shared that he had no recollection of my Jeopardy game nor of me as a student. I'm not sure how this was possible; I had assumed that the year we spent together had permanently scarred his soul. However, his words provided the "why" and the "how" quite well in his email reply: 

"Your story to me, if you'll grant me a religious interpretation, speaks to what many call a 'God moment.' What was for you a seminal event was for me one of a blur of moments (as you know from your own experience being in charge of a class and now a school), but neither you nor I had to appreciate it for what it was at the time. It became something large because of who you are and where IMO God placed you to be influenced in a powerful and life-giving way. I can only imagine how effective that first class was. My daughter, who is now also a teacher, observed recently that kids listen to other kids who step into adult roles better than the adults. And your use of Jeopardy was perfect and outside my box (though it should not have been) and makes recall with more definition the day I turned over a class to a student. I'm sure everyone enjoyed it, including me, and in the process it lit something in you that still burns - yes, a God moment."

While I myself am not a religious person, I appreciated his words and how it best explains that perhaps there was some deliberate destiny involved in my parents' decision to transfer their 6th grade son (against his wishes) into private school back in 1986. 

Perhaps this means that what we endure in the present, even in a year as unbecoming as 2020, does directly spark who we collectively become in our shared future. 

Maybe there's a little bit of hope for us all, especially so for those parents with an unhappy, moody, ever-so-challenging 6th grade student.

Dress Code Drama

A few months ago, our neighboring elementary district made the local news when a student was dress coded twice in the same day. The student's parent took the conversation to Nextdoor, looking to gather input from the local community to better understand the varied viewpoints on the always-debated topic of middle school dress codes.

What started as a civil conversation on Nextdoor slowly turned into a variety of conflicting opinions. A few individuals posted in support of the student, saying that she should be able to wear whatever she wanted to school. Others posted in support of the school, saying that they had a clear right to establish what students were allowed to wear to school. The other parents and communities stayed within the gates of these two differing opinions for the most part.

As a local educator with first hand knowledge on the daily drama involving dress code, I jumped into the conversation. My goal was to explain to both sides that our truth needed to be somewhere in between the two extreme viewpoints. I hoped to share insight into what it's like to work at a middle school and how we address these dress code situations on our campus. Below is what I shared:

Hi everyone - I'm the Union Middle School principal. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on the dress code talk at schools. Please note that I have two 7 year old daughters and am already challenged with finding shorts for them that are a bit longer. I also want to preface this post with that I understand if you disagree with me on this topic. I value this conversation and think that there is a lot of merit to all sides of the dress code topic. Here are my thoughts on the Union Middle School dress code: 1) Our school is a place of work for over 100 adults. As I shared with the students last week during our assemblies, I'm pretty sure that someone who works at Google doesn't have a 13 year old boy in a "bralette" walking the halls during their work day. I feel that our school staff should be able to come to their workplace and know that they aren't going to have a student in a bikini top or another student with their pants sagging down to mid thigh. 2) Yes, it feels like a lot of dress codes target females. However, as I shared with the students last week, we apply the dress code equally. If a female student was sagging, showing her undergarmet boxers, we would speak with the student. If a male student had their bra straps showing, we would speak with the student. That said, the current style of clothes does seem to cause more issues with school dress codes on the female side. 3) The "distraction to other opposite gender" excuse is completely ridiculous. Most boys in middle school aren't even aware of these issues; ditto for the girls. I don't use this "excuse" in our conversations as I think it makes the issue about the student's sexuality, which isn't the topic at hand. 4) When I talk with our students, I come back to the same two words: Dress Appropriately. Yes, we have a page of dress code topics (don't wear this, it's ok to wear this, etc) but I always return to these two words: dress appropriately. To me, "dressing appropriately" for school means that your undergarments aren't showing and that everything is appropriately covered, male or female. 5) While the students may feel differently, we only dress code situations where there is a severe excess of skin showing. Being blunt, I think that it's not appropriate to see a female/male student's behind from out under their shorts. When something really pushes the boundaries of what's "dressing appropriately", we speak with the student and solve the issue as quietly and innocently as we can. We don't want them to be embarrassed. As we tell the kids, you bought those shorts a few years ago; You've grown... the shorts haven't. Again, sorry for joining the conversation here. Lisa F, the Fisher principal, would be glad to discuss any issues about dress code if you have questions for her. She's fantastic and is very welcoming. And if you have any follow up questions, do feel free to email or PM. Todd Feinberg

The response was positive. A few community members responded publicly and other privately. One Nextdoor member had a follow question about the words "To Me" in the 4th segment above. They felt that saying "To Me" put the fate of our entire school in my hands and that I shouldn't make such rules based on my own personal viewpoints.

I responded, as that's not what I had meant by "To Me" in my original point:

@NextdoorMember - well, I guess I should clarify what "to me" means. As a school principal, I get to balance the needs of our students with the wants of our parent community while supporting the work our teachers do in and outside of the classroom. When I say "to me", I could very well say "based on lengthy staff conversations, a thorough review of other middle school dress codes, a constant study of ever-evolving case law, input from both our parents and students through multiple venues (the parents at my school can text me with questions and feedback; I also oversurvey my parent community throughout the year), my own opinions as a parent of four kids (two of which are girls with significant special needs), and the past 17 years working almost exclusively with middle school communities" instead. But that's way too long and wordy. It is the expectation of the school principal (among other parties as well) to provide a safe, structured learning environment for all kids, a safe, positive workplace for all employees, and the best inclusive community we can. Some principals do a really good job; others not so much. Fisher is blessed to have Mrs. F - she's great. Count your blessings. So when I say "to me", I'm including everything that goes into even the most basic of decisions. Doing what's best for kids is what drives us to make our decisions. Not everyone agrees on every decision; but as long as I know we are trying our best to care for all of our kids and giving our staff the best opportunity to work with and support our kids, I feel pretty good about saying "to me".

The conversation died down shortly thereafter. The principal at the other middle school held a community meeting to discuss the parent concerns. People moved on to the next story.

For our own school community, I appreciate the willingness of our parent community to support the work we do at Union Middle. Almost every parent I speak with supports the "dress appropriately" expectation, even if they may disagree with some of the points made above. Their issue often isn't with the dress code itself, but it's the lack of conversation most administrators are willing to have on the topic. Be willing to be honest and meet your parent community halfway. Work together to support your students and what "dress appropriately" looks for your school environment.

After all, Spring is coming.

A Chat with our Leadership Kids

Every so often I visit our 8th grade leadership class. Comprised of 32 of the most amazing students ever, our leadership class has a rather competitive application process to join. Each year, I'm dazzled by the work and compassion of our leadership students. That said, every year brings a new class filled with new personalities and avenues of growth.

I'm a huge fan of our current class. They're fun, bright, kind, silly, and hardworking. They also struggled at times with tasks that call for a bit of independence and initiative. Knowing where they should be as a class at this point in the year, I decided to give them a "this is where you are, this is where I need you to be" chat today during 4th period.

And of course, I followed it up with a letter home to their parents shortly thereafter.

The point of the parent letter is to help frame the conversations from 4th period, specifically the conversation that I wanted to share, the conversation that I may have shared, and the conversation that the kids believe they've heard.

I've found that all three conversations are often quite different.

As I follow up with students, I try to get a sense of the message they took away our time together during 4th period. In speaking with the leadership teacher, I get a second perspective. By including our parents into the conversation, I'll be able to hear and learn from what the students' takeaways truly were. It's possible that they were fine with the pep talk. It's also possible that some students were not pleased with the constructive feedback. I'm ok if they didn't appreciate the message but I want to be able to shift away from the "I didn't like what you had to say" and begin to talk about "you know, there are a few improvements we can make."

I've copied the message to our leadership class parents below. I'm also going to be sending a copy to the leadership students as well. They are fantastic kids; we're very blessed to have them here at Union Middle School

------------------------


Hello,

You are receiving this email if you have a student in our Union Middle School 8th grade Leadership Class. This is not an urgent message; I'm just going to share a conversation I had with the Leadership class during 4th period today.

Over the past few months, I've been able to have numerous individual conversations and even some all-group conversations with our leadership students. I've met weekly, if not more often, with Mrs. Carreras, the leadership teacher, on the group's progress, what they're doing really well, what they may need some support with, and just a general overview of the program.

As a leadership teacher for many years, Mrs. Carreras has been able to compare how independent, how strong, and how "leadsership-esque" her students are from year to year. We discuss how each class has their own personality, their own strengths, and their own possible improvements. Almost always, we see a rather young, silly, talented group of 8th graders from August mature into these amazing, 8th grade award winning young adults by June. The transformation is pretty remarkable.

One struggle that Mrs. Carreras has shared (and that I've personally seen with this year's class) is that the 2017-18 UMS Leadership Class is a bit behind when it comes to class expectations regarding initiative, professionalism, and independence. Individually, I don't see the same issues, but collectively, as a group, there are been a few data points lately regarding events where it feels like our leadership students aren't performing up to their abilities.

This week, I had the pull the weekly Highlights Videos. This is the first time I'd had to do such a thing. 

The video in question had two separate dress code violations, one leadership student shoving another leadership student out of the camera shot, an interview that was of rather low quality, and an overall lack of professionalism, even for 13-14 year olds, that I wouldn't expect at this point in the school year.

Today, during 4th period, we showed the highlights for the students with the preface to see what could be done differently. For the majority of the video, our leadership students were giggling and laughing at their performances. When we ended the video and asked for their thoughts on the video, only one student raised their hand. This student suggested that they act a bit more professional in the video. I agreed.

And then I explained why I had to pull the video, for the reasons described above. I shared that while these videos can be silly at times, there is an expected level of professionalism that that's currently missing. I asked how can I effectively address dress code issues on campus with non-leadership students when the other students see the leadership students not following the dress code themselves. I asked what they're telling our 6th graders what's ok at UMS when they're shoving other students on the UMS highlights presentation. I reiterated that there is a place for the silly parts of the highlight videos, but we are at the point in the year where they need to revisit why they applied for leadership, what talents they have that prompted their inclusion into the class, and what kind of legacy they want to leave for future leadership classes after they promote in June. 

We discussed a few other topics as well. The common theme was a need for an increased sense of initiative. If the DJ is showing up late to the dance, take the initiative and get the speakers out ASAP to see if they're a viable back-up plan. If we want to have an inside-the-quad turkey trot this Friday (of which I'm having nightmares about, for the record), take the initiative and create a segment for the UMS highlights video that shows a scaled map and action figure running the route. If the dance lines are too long, take the initiative and come up with five different possible solutions and start testing them out.

Essentially, we want our leadership students to be a bit more self-supported and less reliant on Mrs. Carreras for explanation. At this point in the school year, we would expect Mrs. Carreras to be more of a guide on the side rather than the sage on the stage. There are times where we do see this initiative from our leadership students. Our goal is to provide more opportunities for them to show this growth and demonstrate their progress.

As I shared with them during 4th period, I absolutely adore this group of leadership kids. They're funny, bright, talented, and destined for much greatness. I also know they're capable of much more than what they're showing right now. Both Mrs. Carreras and I are available to help guide them along the way.

So tonight, if you'd like to have a conversation with your leadership student, I'd be interested to know their thoughts. I often fear that a student will clasp on to one bit of constructive feedback rather than seeing the overall message of support. Additionally, when I asked for questions multiple times during my time with them today during 4th period, they were rather reluctant to speak out and share. Please let them know that I'd be glad to meet with them to discuss anything I've shared and will be making multiple reappearances in their class over the next few weeks to support them.

As a closing, when I asked them if they wanted to be in Leadership, the majority of the class yelled a resounding "yes". I realize that not all students may feel this way and we are always willing to move a student into a different elective if they're feeling that leadership is not what they want to do for second semester. That said, as I shared with them today, I believe in every single one of our leadership students and told them "you were selected for a reason" for the class. I'm hopeful we'll see a renewed focus and initiative over the next few weeks and the remainder of the school year.

They're a great group of kids. Thanks for sending them our way.

Todd Feinberg, Principal

Dear 7th Grade Student: Don't Give Up

​Dear awesome 7th grade student,​

​I'm writing you tonight to share the results from the week's ​elections at UMS. 

By now, you may know that I've already called the respective individuals who were selected for each of the five ASB officer positions. 

By now, you've probably figured out that you did not receive a call, that all of the positions were filled, and that you won't be serving as an ASB officer at UMS in the fall.

I know it can be a bit challenging to receive the news that you were not selected for a position that you campaigned for, that you put yourself out there for, that you spent time making posters for, and that you worked extremely hard to make happen.

I say that I know how you may feel because I myself ran for secretary during my 7th or 8th grade year in middle school. I'm not sure which year it was (i'm old), but what I do remember is that I ran against just one other person. It was me or her. 50% chance. Great odds, I thought.

In the end, it was her. 

I was really bummed. My friends had run. One of them had been selected as an officer. He was celebrating while I was just confused and disappointed by the results.

What hurt the most was that there was no closure or notice from anyone at the school to help explain what happened. The winners were announced over the loud speaker and that was it. 

When I sat in my social studies class and waited for the results to be read over the loud speaker, I started to get a bit excited. After all, I had a 50% chance of winning. My friends said that they all voted for me. I had spent the last two weeks saying hi to everyone in the halls. Surely this counted for something, right?

They read the results for everyone to hear and I realized that I had not been selected. I looked around the room and felt that everyone was looking at me. Self-consciously, I suspected that everyone was internally doing the math in their head: "Todd had a 50% chance of winning and he lost! He finished LAST!"

The rest of the day was a bit rough. I didn't eat with my friends that lunch. Instead, I chose to do a bit of homework in the library, but truly, I was hiding and a bit embarrassed by the news. It's hard to be 13, to put yourself out there, and to fail.

But as I've grown older, I realize that I didn't fail. If anything, I succeeded.

No, I didn't win some random secretary position at some random middle school way back when. Instead, I gained a bit of perspective that sometimes things don't work out how I hoped they would have but it doesn't mean that there won't be another opportunity that I need to be prepared for.

Essentially, you need to make sure you just don't give up.

The loss of the secretary position stayed with me for a while. 

Fast forward to college. I finally managed the courage to run again for an elected position, this time in my fraternity. I end up elected treasurer and am re-elected for my Junior and Senior years. (Disclaimer: I'm not sure anyone else wanted the job)

Fast forward a few more years and I'm being interviewed for my first teaching position. Didn't get it and instead I'm immediately called back to interview for the job I ended up loving for my first five years in education.

And then, I apply for two administrative positions despite having five years of classroom experience. Reach the second round but was the runner up. Came up short. Replayed my second round interview in my head over and over again. A week later, I ended up being selected for the second one.

Two years later, I applied for an assistant principal position at my high school alma mater. Didn't get it. Reapply a year later. End up getting selected this time around.

My point, awesome 7th grade student, is that you're going to be selected for a lot of awesome opportunities in your future. You're also going to lose out on others. All of this is absolutely ok. Just don't give up trying. 

I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there and running for office. You did a great job. Thank you for being a student at UMS. Thank you for being you and making UMS a special place to be. 

I look forward to your 8th grade year and seeing how you continue to be awesome. Keep it up.

Sincerely,

Your very proud principal

No Words

(Note: I wrote this blog entry a few weeks ago... but just didn't bring myself to share our experience from that week just yet. I think it's ok now. Thanks for reading.)

I don't have the words to describe last week.

It started with a random news alert that a plane had crashed in Riverside, California. It was a Monday. My wife and I had been discussing our challenging days at each of our middle schools. I quickly skimmed the news report of the place crash and slightly paused as I read that they were traveling back to San Jose. Weird, I thought, that's pretty close to where I work.

I then read a bit more about the story. The individuals on the plane had been at a cheerleading competition over the weekend. This was another odd coincidence; our two middle schools had just performed at a cheerleading competition. 

The news shared that the competition had been at Disneyland. Again, a weird coincidence. Our cheerleaders had just performed at Disneyland and had actually finished first out of seven teams. Perhaps there were other divisions or other teams who participated in the competition that I didn't know about. 

Then I received a text from our cheerleading coach. 

A bit of backstory on our cheerleading coach.

First, she's awesome. She "gets" kids. She's also our Mental Health Counselor at Union Middle. We're very lucky to have her on our site. As far as irreplaceable staff members go, she's definitely on that list.

She shared her beliefs on what had happened. That the crash may involve families from our school. That while she didn't have any facts, she was just as worried as I was. I asked her to repeat to me more than just a few times: None of our students were on the plane. All of our students came home on the bus. All of our students were safe.

Despite a flurry of false information from our new organizations, the picture started to become a bit clearer. Names of the victims were eventually confirmed. Based on what we heard, it became very clear, very quickly that two UMS families were going to need a lot of support from us and our community.

The following day at school was a challenge. Our district sent extra administrators and mental health services to our site for as long as we needed them to stay for the week. Our superintendent graciously sent breakfast and lunch for our staff. It was an "all hands on deck" type of day for our staff. We were all on the lookout for that student or students who may need support.

And it wasn't just students we were worried about. It was our staff too. The teacher who had all of the siblings in her class over the past few years. The other staff member who spent countless hours with the family, discussing how to best support their student. Or perhaps our mental health therapist herself, now having to serve as a mental health support for the students in need but also needing time to grieve herself.

For the most part, it was our cheerleading team who were struggling throughout the day, the week, the month... and rightfully so. Our cheerleading team is comprised of a very tight group of friends first, students second. They practice everyday. They hang out together. Most of their free time is spent with each other. These emotional events were not something we'd want any middle school student should have to endure. It was only with the support of our staff and each other that we were able to progress through the week.

More news about the tragic loss within our community spread on Wednesday. Our cheerleading coach and I reached out to the families throughout the week. Both affected families have former UMS students, all of which I spent lots of time working with during their UMS tenure. All of the kids involved are just flat out amazing. None of this seemed fair. It just doesn't seem fair.

We have a community who wants to help. Gofundme (included below) and meal support accounts were set up to support the families. Neighbors and friends have taken over car rides to school, homework help, and just a listening ear as students transition through these difficult times.

A week later, things still feel unsettled. The funerals for the family members are upcoming. I try to check in with the students myself every single day. When our eyes connect, I can see a level of sadness that no 11 year old should ever have to endure. I wish there is more I could do. I wish I had the words to help them.

But I don't.

I don't have the words to help.

Instead, I listen.

I offer my time, my heart, and everything else they need to help them get through the day.

If you want to join in and help as well, there are links below.

Take care of yourself and each other.

-Todd

https://www.gofundme.com/stacey-pierce-family-relief-fund
https://www.gofundme.com/farelas-family-fund

Be Kind

I cannot express enough how important it is for educators to be kind.

Kind to our students.

Kind to our parent community.

Kind to each other.

Sometimes, this is not easy.

We are confronted with the daily task for somehow preparing our students to become life-long learners despite the troubles they've momentarily left behind at home. We create engaging lessons plans with the best intentions. We build relationships with our students that show our compassion and our concern for their well-being. And yet sometimes everything falls apart.

Sometimes, it is our fault for the errant, sarcastic comment that we shouldn't have made to our students.

Sometimes, it is out of our control due to student issues from the weekend.

Sometimes, it is an interruption from an helicoptering parent who falsely believes that their student actually did turn in their 7 missing assignments and wants to know why PowerSchool isn't immediately updated by the classroom teacher.

Sometimes, the magic just doesn't happen.

There is an expectation that educators will sacrifice our evenings and weekends to provide just a bit more support and feedback for our students and the school community. Close to half of our teaching staff had spent more than just a few nights out at various school events prior to the past holiday break, not only to support our kids but also each other. Our front office spent much of that same week preparing for staff holiday lunch. The effort by so many of our staff members during one of the busiest weeks of the year was not only noticeable but significantly appreciated by all involved.

It is during these moments where we have so little left to give where educators somehow find a bit more within ourselves to make a bit of magic happen for others. It all comes back to being kind.

One of our students spent most of the first two weeks of December with dilapidated shoes. Finally, just before the holiday break, this student showed up with "new" shoes. Our front office spoke with the student to talk about their new shoes. The student complained how tight these shoes were on their toes. I reached down and felt their toe pushing up against the end of the shoe. He had already outgrown these shoes. Our front office staff agreed; this was a great opportunity to be kind.

Just before break, his new shoes arrived.

This student had been called into the office. They assumed that they were in trouble for what they said "could have been a lot of reasons". Instead, we handed them their new shoes. Their face lit up.

This student loved the shoes and yet did not want to accept them. They actively refused to accept the gift. We heard no less than ten different reasons why they couldn't accept the gift. Perhaps, they didn't know how to accept a gift. Maybe they don't get gifts that often.

The student was a bit of a mess during our conversation. I almost had to force the shoes upon them, carefully making sure they truly wanted them. It was eventually very clear they did. The reluctance we saw was centered around how challenged they were with someone being kind.

And that's why we always need to refocus on being kind.

Kind to our students.

Kind to our parent community.

Kind to each other.

Especially when it isn't easy to do.

Teenagers and Their Tentative Truths

I'll start with a story.

There's a high school student working at their ice cream job. This ice cream employee is not only known for the best peanut butter and chocolate milkshakes in town, but they're a pretty good student and rule follower as well.

This teenager has an hour break between shifts. They know ahead of time about a house party that they want to stop by. Somehow, their mother finds out about the party and says, in no uncertain terms, they are not to attend this party. The teenager agrees that they won't "attend" the party.

However, even though the teenager decides that they're not going to attend the party, they instead choose to just stop by. To the teenager, this is okay... they're not attending the party; they're just stopping by for ten, maybe twenty minutes.

In between their shifts, this teenager gets a ride from a co-worker/friend to the party. They're at the party less than twenty minutes. They don't drink anything they shouldn't. They just say hi to a few friends and then return back to their job for their next shift. It was a brief visit and barely worth a mention.

The next day, the high school student's mother asks the student if they attended the party. He says "no". The parent follows up with a slightly more linear question: "Are you sure you didn't step foot into that house? That you didn't go to the party?" The teenager pauses and thinks to themselves: What exactly am I being asked right now? How can I not lie but still not tell the full truth? No matter the response the teenager gave, unless it was the full truth, the parent already had their answer. It turns out this mom had connected with a family friend who lived across the street from the party and had offered to keep an eye out for the car this responsible student drove.

Eventually, the teenager had to admit that they stopped by the party. The parent grounded the student for not following the parental expectation and also for lying.

The teenager, himself a rather decent honors student and solid son, tried to find a loophole in their parent's mandate and got caught in the web. It's what kids do. It's also something I remember to this day.

Much like the teenager from the above story, let me be blunt and share: your kid will lie to you.

They will lie a little bit about big things.

They will lie a lot about little things.

They will lie for seemingly no reason.

They will lie with intention and purpose.

Your perfect little angel will lie to you.

This is absolutely normal.

In your student's mind, they're not lying. They're just not telling you the full truth. Often, in my conversations with parents, I share that there is a huge bubble of information that we call the "full truth". I'll make a huge circle with my hands to show how large this "truth bubble" truly is. If a child was to tell you everything in the truth bubble, they'd start at the beginning, not leave anything out, have a perfect memory about what transpired, and took full ownership of their decisions. This rarely happens.

Instead, a student will tell you little pockets of truths within this larger bubble. Here is an example:

What you are asking "did you complete your homework?"
What they say: "yes, I did my homework"
What the truth is: "I only did my math homework and not my ELA homework"

To them, they're not lying. They did do their homework. Their math homework is done. You asked if they completed their homework and they have completed their math homework. You didn't ask about the ELA homework though, even though you think you did.

If you asked specifically about their ELA homework, they'd probably counter with another not-a-lie-but-not-the-truth response like "oh, we actually did most of it in class" (not false) or "I only have a few more sentences to write; it's pretty much done" (not false either). Unless you ask directly about the completion of their ELA assignment, you're not going to get the answer to the question you're asking.

The challenge as a parent, as an administrator, is asking the exact simplified question you want an answer to, even if you have to repeat the question over and over again. Instead of asking a broad "is your homework done?" type question, you need to break the request into smaller, much more defined inquiries.

Don't ask "is your homework done?"
Instead, "please show me your math homework"

Don't say "did you talk with your math teacher like we said you would?"
Instead, "tell me about the conversation you had with your math teacher. tell me every word. I'm about to email them, so I want to make sure I have the full story."

Don't say "everything go well today at school?"
Instead, "let's share our favorite part from today and one thing that didn't go as well as we hoped"

As a school administrator, I know that a student's first reaction when they're in our office is to lie. It's just what always happens. Sometimes, I start the conversation with "I know you're not going to tell me the truth when I ask these questions..." followed by "let's restart this conversation again now that we've agreed that we weren't truthful in the beginning."

Personally, I wish that everyone just started with the truth. I wish our students were truthful with their parents about not completing their work. I wish our parents would trust our staff a bit more on certain occasions. I wish every conversation I had with a student started with an agreement of truth.

I understand why our students aren't truthful. They're a little bit scared. They're worried about the truth. Some students are trying to figure out what I know so they can only share that small segment of information. Other students will just continue to lie, even when confronted with an avalanche of facts. A loophole is the friend of every teenager I know.

About 98% of the time, we administrators and parents get to the truth eventually. Odd thing is... any conversation we have with the student often doesn't even involve a consequence. Our students just don't share the full truth because they don't know how to tell the full truth, even if they're told ahead of time that there isn't a consequence attached.

This is actually ok. They're kids. I don't expect the truth right off the bat and neither should our parents. Instead, let's work on asking the questions that can give us the answers we want from our teenagers. Let's understand that our kids won't always tell the truth... and that they need us to provide the structure and possible consequences when they don't live up to our reasonable expectations.

Much like the story shared above, even a responsible honors student can rationalize ways where they feel like they're not lying to their parents. Every student makes a few mistakes. The secret for their growth is to reestablish our adult expectations and make sure a lesson is learned for the next time.

Because there's going to be another party... there's going to be another next time.

An Invisible Kid

As a site administrator, it can be a challenge to get to know every student. It is my goal every year to learn everyone's name and their story. I share this goal with our incoming 6th graders every year, Sadly, this doesn't always happen. Thus, the invisible kid.

You might be a parent of an invisible kid. You may have been an invisible kid yourself. An invisible student is one who doesn't make poor decisions on a routine basis. They work extremely hard in the classroom, competing with other invisible and not-so-invisible students to get the highest possible grade possible on each assessment. They study. They try hard. They are always respectful to their teachers. They rarely, if ever, get into any kind of trouble. They keep their heads down and do their best. They don't draw attention to themselves.

When a substitute teacher who frequents your school often enters the classroom, they're quietly happy to see these invisible students. They don't cause trouble for any teacher, permanent or substitute. They don't necessarily ingratiate themselves with their teachers but they don't misbehave. Rarely, if ever, are these students recognized by their peers, by their teachers, or by the school. They pale in comparison when the students who demand attention (good or bad) stand up for recognition. These are the invisible students who quietly do school each day with little ripples in our shared waters.

I myself was not an invisible kid. I made some decisions that brought attention to my educational journey. Whether it was a high school social studies teacher who said "I've had enough of this student" or a 6th grade science teacher who encouraged me to teach the class myself for our review sessions (disclaimer: I told him I could lead a better test review), I was rarely the student who tried to hide amongst their peers. Often, I made a bad decision that logically impeded my educational journey, but these were my decisions that allowed me to grow during these formative years. For a student to sit quietly in a classroom and just silently comply with the curriculum and expectations is troublesome.

There is a saying that "well behaved women rarely make history". In education, the invisible student could follow a similar mantra. While these are students who can prove to be the backbone of your school community. I an very troubled by an "invisible kid's" decision to not create a persona that is both lasting and memorable during their educational journey. In looking back at this year's graduating class, I missed out on the opportunity to get to know many of these flat-out-awesome students, if for no other reasons than the few students who took up 95% of my time and a disconnect in figuring out who these invisible students were.

That said, the responsibility of an administrator is to recognize as many invisible students as possible. It's not an easy task. These aren't your athletes, your soloists during band concerts, or the students who may visit your office for disciplinary reasons throughout the year. If anything, these are the students you need to go out of your way to connect with. It's a challenge to discover these often-quiet students who don't speak up or stand out. During busy, challenging years, you may miss out on a few of these students. This was definitely the case for our administrative team during the past 2015-16 school year.

After my recent graduation speech, I had a few parent emails that expressed their concern with how their "invisible student" was left unrecognized. They're right. I failed their student. I didn't get a chance to recognize them, to meet them in their classrooms, to celebrate their successes. Likely, the student, partly due to their invisible behaviors, didn't reach out to their principal. They didn't approach me during brunch or lunch supervision to make a connection. They didn't share something special about themselves that we could connect with. This isn't to say that this opportunity was their duty or their expectation, but with a school of over a thousand kids, we administrators need a bit of help to discover the typically invisible students. I wish I could go back in time and spend extra moments with these students. I can guarantee that my work day would have been a good bit more pleasant and rewarding.

If nothing else, I'd also like to place a call to encourage these students to not remain invisible any longer. You don't have to be a star athlete. You don't need to be a top band student. You don't even need to be on site council or in leadership. You, as a student, just need to take the opportunity to connect and choose the available opportunities to share a bit of your school or life experiences with your administrators. Trust me. We want to get to know you. We don't want you to be invisible. If anything, it is the opposite. You are most likely the student to show us that we're making a difference with our students; we often feel like we're not. You might be the student to open our eyes to best support all students; we need these reminders. During our challenging days, you are the student who shows us that our efforts are not going unwanted or unloved.

So don't be invisible. You've got a lot of greatness that needs to be shared. We will help you discover your voice. But sometimes, we administrators need help figuring out who you are and what we can do to best support you. We are definitely willing to do so. Speak up. We are listening.

A Schedule Switch for 2016-17

Hello current and future UMS families,

By now, you’ve surely received the news that both Union Middle and Dartmouth will be changing their Wednesday schedule for the 2016-17 school year.

Instead of beginning each Wednesday at 9:30 am (called a “late start schedule”), we will be piloting for the 2016-17 school year an “early release schedule” where students start the day at 8:30 am (just like the other days of the week) but would get out at 1:50 pm (instead of 2:50 pm like the other days of the week).

Please note that this schedule is a pilot. We are not married to it. We are not engaged. I’m not even sure we’re even dating it at this point. We are just exploring the benefits of an “early release schedule” for the upcoming school year.

My two cents: I personally strongly prefer an early release schedule on Wednesday. Here’s why, in no particular order:

The switch to an early release Wednesday will better align our middle schools with the start and end times of our elementary feeder schools. I can’t imagine what Wednesday looks like for a parent who picks up their students from both their elementary school and their middle school. Drop off elementary student at school at 8 am. Go back home to debate with your middle school student about whether or not they’re going to brush their teeth that morning. Leave for UMS at 9 am. Get back home around 9:45. Breathe. Turn around and pick up your elementary school student at 1:15. Drive home. Leave again at 2:20 to pick up your middle school student. Get back home at 3:15. Yikes. Hopefully, with a more aligned schedule throughout the district, we’ll be able to give the gift of time back to some of our families.

The feedback I've heard from our parent community strongly supports a desire to pilot an early release Wednesday. As a principal, I’m constantly listening to what our students, our staff, and our parents have to share. Even if I’m not going to be making a change in the immediate future, there’s a lot of information stored somewhere in the back of my brain based on the comments and concerns of these three significant groups. I know that there will be some students, teachers, and parents who may not like the idea of an early release Wednesday. I’m hopeful, after trying it for a year, that they may change their minds. And again, since it’s a pilot, it’s only scheduled for this one upcoming year.

From my experiences in other districts and in my conversations with our students, there is a strongly likelihood that students will complete their homework assignments after the school day rather than the morning of. It is my hope that students will choose to begin their homework a bit earlier on Wednesdays, given the early release schedule. Imagine every week where your student is done with their homework before 3 pm and they can attend to their activities, enjoy their family dinner, and maybe even watch a bit of Survivor when it returns in the fall. Right now, from my conversations with students and my observations at WOW, there is close to zero homework completion happening. This actually makes sense; it’s too risky to leave homework for the morning when there’s a chance you just won’t have enough time to complete it for first period. Now, this scheduling change could encourage more family nights on Wednesdays with students completing their homework from 2-3 pm, leaving opportunities for their after school activities and family time that evening.

Many of our parents are working parents, needing to be at work on Wednesday by 9 am. With the pilot of an early release Wednesday, working parents will be able to leave the house at the same time as their student. In conversations with parents, there is much concern about leaving a middle schooler at home in the morning by themselves with the expectation they’ll be on time to school. Additionally, we are working with Champions to have their start time on Wednesdays move up to 2 pm to provide extended care for those who may need it for their students.

Our athletic tryouts and practices might be able to start a bit earlier on Wednesdays. Mr. Barbara, our athletic director, and I have already begun discussions on a “sports team study hall” for Wednesdays. This means that students with a 3 pm practice would have a place to work on their assignments under the supervision of a team parent and/or school employee.

The numbers of tardies and absences on Wednesday will substantially decrease. Right now, we have more tardies on Wednesday than on any other day. The late start seems to encourage students to be tardy; I suspect it throws off the consistency of their schedule. We also have an unexplainable higher absence rate on Wednesday than Tuesday or Thursday. We’re hopeful that these data points begin to shift next year with the upcoming pilot.

Teachers will no longer be limited by a teacher duty assignment or the first period bell during their staff and team collaboration times on Wednesday. Currently, our staff meets every Wednesday at 8:05 for 30 minutes. Teams and/or departments then meet until 9:10 when various teachers have parking lot supervision or other teacher duties. For our teachers, this isn’t enough time to discuss their curriculum, how to best support their students, or update each other on student-parent-teacher concerns. There is rarely enough time in the morning to hold ALL meetings or IEP meetings. It’s the deadline of 1st period that complicates matters. With the change to an early release Wednesday, staff will be able to hold IEPs a bit earlier and during the school day. Teachers will be able to stay a bit longer, if they so choose, to discuss their shared students. They won’t be limited by the 1st period bell. It’s a huge difference in best supporting our kids.

There is the opportunity for some of our after school activities to start a bit earlier on Wednesday, allowing for more students to participate multiple activities. Every year, we run into conflicts with student’s schedules when it comes to their after school activities. With the early release, we’ll be able to look at moving some of these after school activities, whether it be choir, drama, or field hockey, to an earlier start time. This means that a student will be more likely to be able to participate in more than one activity, if they so choose.

And from my own perspective, I’ve worked at two other middle schools with an early release Wednesday. I’ve reached out to them during the months the possible pilot was being discussed. Both schools shared that they loved their early release Wednesdays, that the parent community was hesitant at first but eventually came to treasure the extra hour their students would have before their “after school activities” began. Neither school is considering a change from their early release Wednesdays. Both schools say that an early release Wednesday gave them an opportunity to explore different programs and additional supports for their students. That’s how I see the shift: an opportunity. A chance to see if the switch to an early release wednesday is better for our students, our staff, and our parent community. And if not, that’s ok. It’s just a pilot.

The worst words in education are “but we’ve always done it this way”. To me, if you’re not constantly looking to improve upon your practice and just standing still, you’re losing ground. I’m hopeful that the shift from a late start to an early release will benefit our school community. Thanks for listening as we give it a try.

Your feedback and thoughts, positive or otherwise, is already appreciated. Back to practicing my graduation speech for tomorrow. :)

How I know it's the end of the May...

I can tell when there are three weeks left in the school year. I don't even need to look at a calendar. Based on the behaviors of our students, the communication from our parent community, and the exhausted looks from our staff, I can pinpoint the last week of May with 100% accuracy.

Summer is a very perplexing event for many of our fragile students. They know they should look forward to having three months to play, to be silly, to explore their interests. However, for many of our students, they're scared and have no idea how to voice their concerns. School is their true stability. They know we're here for them. They know the start time, the end time, and everything that happens in between. Once summer hits, their schedule shifts and it scares them. 

And when the stress of summer approaches, students behave in a variety of ways. Some will shut down completely. Why finish the school year strong if they're leaving? Others will emotionally collapse. What do you mean I'm going to be somewhere else for the next three months? For our departing for high school students, it's often worse. These students don't know how to handle the goodbye that comes with their promotion to 9th grade. Instead of celebrating their successes and honoring the relationships they've built, they actively seek to destroy their progress. They know they're leaving for high school. They know we're not following them to 9th grade. To make their departure a bit easier, they'll look to doom everything they've built. This practice is heartbreaking for the staff. Close to three years of notable successes are darkly colored by the failures of the final three weeks. It's hard for us. Crushing.

For our parents, the last three weeks of school are a stressful time. If their student is headed off to high school, they face a constant battle to remind their kid to run through the academic finish line. There's an increase in missing work, significantly more poor decisions made, and an unlimited number of "we were just messing around" comments shared in the assistant principal's office. This is increasingly frustrating for our parents and rightfully so. 

Here lies an opportunity for our parents. Do they (A) schedule a meeting with our teachers, counselor, assistant principal, or principal to look for a loophole to protect their student's grades and/or consequences (B) hold their student accountable for their bad choices and focus on how their student can make better choices in the future? Truthfully, for Union Middle, most of our parent community opts for the right choice: B. 

Logical consequences could be the best thing for a student who has made a bad choice. Some parents choose to excuse their student's behavior and instead battle our staff on an assignment, a bad choice, or the final grade. Perhaps they're nervous about private school. Maybe they are worried about their child losing an end-of-the-school-year activity. Some have even indicated that there is a school-wide conspiracy against their student. Whatever the concern, these are true learning moments where a parent can show their student that the bad decision they've made doesn't have an easy way out; that there are lasting consequences which don't necessarily evaporate as easily as they'd like. I wish our parents knew that their child is watching extremely closely during their office visits. If a student sees their parents excuse their school behaviors away, the wrong lesson will be memorized. Difficult days will resurface down the road. While it's hard to allow your student to accept consequences for the mistakes they've made, it can be the best lesson you'll ever be able to provide your student to learn.

For our staff, I try my best to not count down the remaining school days. I want everyone to continue the learning opportunities within their classrooms up until the last day of the school year. However, with students becoming increasingly challenging and the emails from various members of the parent community nitpicking their student's grades, any staff member can't help but count down to the final day of the school year. At all of my previous schools, I've counseled many staff members on these student and parent concerns, often surrounding a random assignment from mid April that wasn't turned in or addressing any requests for extra credit when the student hasn't turn in half of the daily homework throughout the quarter. Our staff truly loves and supports our students. There is a strong desire to work with our parent community as well. But now, during the last few weeks of school, it becomes increasingly challenging to make everything work and still find the strength to push through to June 9th.

It's the last three weeks of the school year. I just know it. The students struggling to keep it together. The parents who are hoping for a last second hail mary A-. The teachers looking like they're auditioning for a role as an extra for the Walking Dead. Everyone is exhausted. It's the last few weeks of the school year. 

And in 70 short days, we'll do this all over again. 

Cell Phones: School Policies, Game Changers, and Teachable Moments

One of my former students once shared with me that they believed their ability to use their cell phone during the school day was no different than their ability to breathe in oxygen. They said that not being able to use their cell phone made them feel like they were suffocating. They explained that they didn't necessarily need to use their cell phone during the school day and, if given permission, that they most likely still wouldn't. It was just the rule that our school had regarding not being allowed to use your cell phone during the school day felt like an imprisonment without oxygen for them.

At the time, I felt that the student was being a tad melodramatic about not being able to use their cell phone during the school day. After all, we all somehow survived without usage of a cell phone during the school day and we all turned out (relatively) okay. And then I stopped and thought about their perspective of where they were as a digital native and where they were headed in just a few short months as they promoted to 9th grade. Were we best serving them by mandating no cell phone usage during our lunch period? How would they react in three short months when they arrived on the high school campus without the necessarily skills on how to properly manage their screen time? Was their cell phone truly like oxygen to them? Was it an attached accessory that we, as an older generation, didn't fully understand their connection to?

These reflections brought me back over a decade to my days as a Dean of Students and also Assistant Principal at Ralston Middle School in Belmont, CA. There were very strict rules regarding iPods during these days; specifically, you weren't allowed to bring them to campus. If your iPod was seen or found, it would be confiscated and only returned to your parent. Looking part, I can't help but laugh at how silly this rule was.

The rule was founded in the belief that iPods were going to be a distraction throughout the school day. We wanted to encourage students to socialize before and after school, not listen to their latest Green Day or Blink-182 albums. We wanted students to be more aware of their surroundings and not unable to hear daily announcements or other urgent matters. We felt that some students would lose their iPods and this would translate into countless fruitless searches of locker rooms and playing fields. There was some concern that if students were bringing expensive devices to school, what would be do when a student made the poor choice to steal such items from a classmate. We had many what we felt to be valid reasons for not allowing iPods at school.

Then one day, everything changed. It was 2007 and the revolution went by the name of iPhone.

With this new bit of technology, students could listen to music on their phones. Students were allowed to have a cell phone at school, as long as it was put away during the school day. Now, however, students were listening to music before and after school. The iPhone was a complete game changer and we had to quickly rework our school policies to address this new technology.

Fast forward 8 years to present day. A quick observation of the school campus and an informal survey of our students has over 90% of our students in possession of a smart phone at school. Hundreds of students have one earbud in before and after school as they socialize with their friends. Even with permission to use their cell phones before and after the school day, I see more socialization during these times than I do at brunch and lunch. I'm beginning to wonder if our students socialize in a manner that is significantly different than how we adults did during our middle school days. Are we trying to force feed our students designated times to socialize as we would like them to, all the while not realizing that today's students socialization often centers around a piece of technology?

Nevertheless, we continue to ban cell phone usage during the school day. Almost every single day, there is an instance where a cell phone is confiscated by a staff member for making a "you've received a text message" sound. In over 90% of these cases, the text was sent by the student's parent, often with reminders for pick up later in the day, changes to the afternoon's schedule, or sometimes just a simple "I love you" from mother to son. These are the same parents who overwhelming do not want their students using their cell phones during the school day, don't forget.

The inability for our students to not use their cell phones have other frustrating byproducts for our staff throughout the day. When a parent drops off a lunch, project, or gym shoes for their student, our front office makes all-school announcements during our brunch and lunch periods. What if we instead informed the parents to just text their student during these times and we were able to avoid these needless interruptions?

Even further, what are we teaching our students when we impose rules that they will soon outgrow (just a few weeks for our 8th graders as they approach high school and the free-for-all that exists regarding cell phone usage at many high schools)? Are we providing the best guidance by simply prohibiting cell phone usage? As esteemed school administrator Erik Saibel shared in our #leadwild Voxer group, "24/7 control of kids doesn't teach them anything. It just makes them defenseless and directionless when "real life" comes around." I'm inclined to agree.

I've often shared with our incoming 6th grade parents that I believe middle school is the perfect time to make mistakes. Middle school, by its very nature, is a special society where every interaction with a student can lead to a worthwhile teachable moment. When a student is disrespectful toward a staff member at lunch, we bring the student in and talk about how to prevent such choices in the future. Yes, they still receive a consequence, but I think we're saving this student from making the same mistake three months down the road as a high school freshman.

Teenagers, by their nature, will gravitate to things we tell them not to do. When a student crosses through traffic on a busy thoroughfare on their way home from school, we speak with them the next day on making safer choices. When a high school freshman is presented with their first opportunity to drink alcohol, I want them educated on how to best handle the situation. We need to have their conversations with our students. If you take away the taboo, you can have a real conversation with your student about how to make the right decision, no mater the situation.

I understand that many parents and educators are very concerned about what cell phone usage during the school day may bring. What if my student looks at an inappropriate website? What if my student is cyber bullied by a classmate? What happens when my student posts an unflattering picture of Mr. Feinberg? Let's be honest: all of these things are just as likely, if not more so, to happen outside of the school day and off our school campus as they are during our cell phone-permitted brunch and lunch periods. By allowing cell phone usage during brunch and lunch, we are joining our parent community in best educating our students on appropriate cell phone use. Now, we can better work together to address any concerning behavior and build in more teachable moments to best guide our students. This is what middle school is all about.

Because in just a few short weeks, if it hasn't happened already, everything is going to change again. It's called the Apple Watch.

If a student were to arrive on our school campus with an Apple Watch, would we make them take it off? Would we allow them to keep it on their wrist but mandate that they disconnect from the wifi or LTE coverage? The Apple Watch can be linked to your iPhone. It can receive texts, make calls, get score updates, post to your favorite social media sites, and so forth. And if we don't allow the Apple Watch during class time, do we allow it during breaks, brunch, and lunch? Simply put, the Apple Watch is going to change how education institutions address student access to the internet. And I'm not sure what we're going to do.

Further complicating matters is that all of our 6th graders will have 24/7 access to their very own ChromeBook for their three years at Union Middle. Not only will they be able to use them appropriate during class time, but they'll be able to work on projects during brunch and lunch by the picnic tables, write for their blog, or even check their email. Are these behaviors substantially different than how the majority of our other students would use their cell phone?

Perhaps the answer is to trust our students to use their cell phones appropriately during the school day. Do we set clear expectations regarding cell phone usage, such as "students may use their cell phones for academic reasons or for parental emergencies during brunch and lunch" in hopes of finding some sort of middle ground? We are quite lucky at Union Middle, as the strong majority of our students would use their cell phones appropriately. And for the students who would not? Well, they're probably already using their phones during the school day anyway. At least now, with our guided permission, we would be able to have deeper conversations about the poor choices rather than just focusing on "the rule" of not being allowed to have your cell phone out during the day.

I would not be surprised if in five years that almost every middle school will be allowing students to use their cell phones and various devices during brunch and lunch. I think the answer for us as parents, educators, and community members will be how to best support our students in making wise and healthy decisions when it comes to cell phone use. We have amazing, responsible students at Union Middle. They are, as a whole, rule followers and incredibly respectful of our school policies. That said, I truly believe the tide of cell phone usage during non instructional time throughout the school day at Union Middle has already turned.

I just don't know if we adults are aware that our students are already breathing in all of the oxygen.

Cell Phone Friday

Tomorrow at Union Middle School is the first ever (and possibly last ever) Cell Phone Friday.

Cell Phone Friday came about through our school site council meetings over a year ago in the Spring of 2014. Here, students, parents, and Union Middle staff members discussed the benefits, the concerns, and everything in between about providing permission to our middle school students to use their cell phones during brunch (15 minutes in the morning) and lunch (30 minutes around noon). Currently, students are allowed to use their cell phones before school but when the first bell rings at 8:26 am, the phones need to be turned off and placed in their backpacks. When the final school bell rings at 2:50 pm, the phones are allowed to be taken out of their backpacks and turned on for usage. Students, with teacher permission and supervision, are allowed to use their cell phones during class for academic purposes. It is also worth noting that students can use tablets and kindles to read their e-books during brunch and lunch (and are encouraged to do so).

In our school site council meetings, almost every individual was against allowing students to use their cell phones during brunch or lunch. However, as we discussed the topic further, opinions quickly began to change. Ultimately, we decided to include the question during my end-of-the-year survey for our parent community. The results are this survey were overwhelmingly and a resounding "no".

Truthfully, I was a bit surprised by the results of the survey. I anticipated that many parents would click "no, not under any circumstances should UMS allow students to use their cell phones during the school day", I was very surprised to see a strong majority of over 80% of our survey-responding parent community select this option. It was one of the strongest consensus results of the survey. And with these results, I tabled the topic for the upcoming 2014-15 school year... until our ASB/Leadership class began to grant wishes.

With the best intentions, our ASB/Leadership class mimicked a "make a wish" activity that has become quite popular at our local high schools. The majority of student wishes were for immediate gratification, often asking for In & Out for lunch or a late pass to 1st period. A few of the wishes were more heartfelt, including one student who asked for help in purchasing and dedicating a bench at a nearby park to his deceased relative with whom they would spend their weekend afternoons together. There were a few wishes that led to puppy-gate 2014... and no, we could not purchase puppies for our students and their families. Somewhere in the middle of the pile, there were a half dozen wishes from our students who asked for permission to use their cell phones during brunch and lunch. In reading these wishes, the topic of Cell Phone Friday was reborn.

With the help of our ASB students, I wrote an announcement to share with our students this morning, also to be repeated tomorrow. I introduced the concept of Cell Phone Friday to our students, gave them permission to use their phones appropriately during brunch and lunch tomorrow, and reminded them that their choices tomorrow could very well determine future opportunities to use their cell phones during break times at school.

Not wanting our parent community to necessarily hear this news first hand from their students, I sent out two short Reminds explaining the plan and expectations for our students during Cell Phone Friday. Specifically, I shared: "Hi UMS-tomorrow is cell phone Friday. Students can use their phones (appropriately) @ brunch & lunch. This is a 1 time pilot & wish request. We will be supervising and using any poor student decisions as a teachable moment. Questions? Please send me a remind chat or email. -Todd" To date, I have received three emails from our parents about the one day wish request of students being allowed to use their cell phones during brunch and lunch.

One parent was very direct that they did not believe that students should use their cell phones at school and that they should be banned altogether from our campus. Another parent was very interested on the thought process that went into the decision, indicating that they were quite certain that our students would be quite happy tomorrow at school. The third parent wrote a longer email that was a beautiful way to start a dialogue about appropriate and timely cell phone use on a middle school campus. I responded to all three parents and shared how much I appreciated their communication and that I looked forward to more conversation about this topic as this generation of digital natives promote through our school.

And so tomorrow is almost here. Cell Phone Friday will be one of three things: (1) a complete disaster with chaos lingering around every corner, (2) a day like any other with little difference despite some cell phone usage, or most likely (3) some great opportunities to have guided discussions about the appropriate use of cell phone use with some great principal selfies thrown in. Wish us luck.

(My next post linked here goes into my everchanging beliefs about cell phone usage on a middle school campus and where our rapidly approaching future days will lead us. The third post <also eventually linked and dependent on how quickly my daughters fall asleep tomorrow> will detail how successful Cell Phone Friday was at Union Middle. I hope you enjoy the reads.)

Square Peg of a Student in the Round Hole of Middle School

 “If they can't learn the way we teach, we teach the way they learn” ― O. Ivar Lovaas

Over the past two years at Union Middle School, we introduced a flood of elective opportunities for our students. It was just a perfect storm of opportunities within the schedule to be creative and allow teacher and student input into what we wanted our students to participate in during the school day.

So we added:

MINECRAFT (of course)

DEBATE

MouseSquad (as a class!)

And lots of other electives like Project Lead The Way, Journalism, Keyboarding, Blogging, Jazz Band, Google Tech, and others. Students have repeatedly commented on how hard it is to choose their electives because of how many choices they now have. I think this is a good thing.

There has been one elective, however, that has even surprised me with the positive feedback from our students. It's called Design Thinking.

I've discussed Design Thinking in a previous blog post. On paper, it makes a lot of sense. In action, it's something else entirely*. Perhaps the best way to summarize how successful the class has been is with two conversations I've had, one with a UMS parent and one with a Design Thinking UMS teacher.

To the parent, I sent the below email. This is a student, new to us in 6th grade, who has had an amazing 7th grade year, much improved from the transitional time that 6th grade seemed to be. Design Thinking gave me a new insight into this student and helped build the principal-teacher-parent-student relationship.

Hello,

I hope you both have had a great start of the school year. I am writing you to let you know that I've been visiting (teacher's) classroom a bit this year, specifically during her Design Thinking elective. (Your student) is in this class.

I'm not sure what (your student) has shared about Design Thinking, but I think it confirms our conversation from last year: (Your student) has a gift. 

He is one of the most amazingly gifted, incredibly creative, and overly empathetic students i've had the pleasure of watching in this Design Thinking class. Simply put, he "gets it" and is incredibly supportive of his peers. In fact, one of his classmates happens to be a new student to UMS and someone who has moved around a lot in their educational career. (Your student), during class, showed some uncanny compassion toward this student that was so "higher level" that most likely only the teacher understood the context of it all.

You have an amazing son. We are very lucky to have him at Union Middle. 

All the best,

Todd

What I love about this elective is that it allows students who don't always fit the standard measure of what a middle school student is to be celebrated. Design Thinking allows for all students to share, emphasize, and build. At Union Middle School, we have two amazing teachers each teaching a section of Design Thinking. A recent conversation with one of these teachers** was quite interesting.

I entered their class and took an empty seat. As I observed the class, I started to realize that I recognized many of the students. A common joke when I meet a parent and I don't know their student by name is that I say it's a good thing as I sadly only get to meet the struggling or misbehaving students during my school day. This class, however, I recognized at least six of my frequent fliers from the previous year. These were students who struggled with fitting in, raising their hand, turning in their work... basically everything a middle school asks of a standardized student. 

After observing the class for a short while, I got up to leave. The classroom teacher had moved toward the exit at this moment to have a quick check-in. I felt horrible as I began the conversation that was filled with apologies; I'm sorry, I said, about the make-up of the students in the class. I don't know what happened, I empathized; I can look at moving one of the six students in your class to a different elective. I don't know how they all ended up in your class. It must be very challenging to teach.

The teacher looked at me. She paused. She then said, "Actually, Todd, those are my best students. They are the ones driving the discussion, showing empathy, and participating. Don't move any of them."

And that is a middle school Design Thinking class in a nutshell. 

*If any teachers or administrators would like to come visit, just ask. Something special is happening in our Design Thinking classes. Yes, we have challenging days and yes, we have tons of failures. These are good things. Email me at feinbergt@unionsd.org.

**Two essential parts of having a Design Thinking class: (1) get the right teacher(s) to teach it and (2) give them whatever they want to make the class successful.